Former AOA member Mina opened up about life difficulties, netizens taking Jimin's side, and more.
On April 30, Mina vented her current frustrations in a long letter on Instagram. She expressed how distraught she was over netizens defending Jimin, who allegedly bullied her during her 10 years with AOA, and she also discussed her mental health, challenges working as an idol, the AOA members, her family, and her attempts to take her own life.
Mina's full letter is as follows:
"I know it's a lot... You say it's enough. You're sick and tired of this. You're starting to think Shin Jimin is the victim now. I know very well the more I do this, the more people will criticize me and look at me negatively. But I'm not crazy. I used to be a cheerful person who loves to laugh a lot. In fact, my evaluations only diagnose me as severely depressed. It doesn't say I'm bipolar or schizophrenic. I have social anxiety, social phobia, panic disorder, panic seizures, and depression. Since I was young, I told myself I have to be the breadwinner for my family. I decided I'll play the role of my father. So I worked a lot of part time jobs. Because I had to quit school, I experienced a lot of things. Some of those experiences hurt me. Still, no matter what, I focused on making money. I focused on staying strong. That's why I have no regrets, no pain. I take after my father, so I have a cool head and a brave heart.
Since I was 17 until I turned 27, I was bullied by Shin Jimin. I had no idea why, but she hurt me daily with her words and actions. As I grew into adulthood through my early to mid 20s, I believed that if I tried my best and worked harder than everyone else, if I give her no reason to hate me, then unnie will learn to like me too. Looking back now, I don't understand why I decided to endure it all, pushing myself to accept and even getting myself on medication. I was a fool.
By the time I turned 26 years old, I was at the end of my rope. Before my contract expired, I tried to take my own life twice by taking hundreds of sleeping pills, but I only passed out for a few days and ended up surviving just fine. If you have never been through this, you don't know what I heard, what I was put through, what completely unreasonable things I was scolded for. Live a decade like I did, you wouldn't be able to forget either.
You know what's even worse? I never thought to collect evidence like the medical records from my psychiatrist visits. The members who spent more time with me back then probably remember though, but they also didn't go through what I went through. They're not me. They may have stayed by my side and even criticized Shin Jimin on my behalf... so I might have taken them to really be on my side. But none of those people spoke up for me. None of them ever will. Well, maybe except one friend. The other victim who got bullied like me. I think there's one other person who might agree to be my witness... That's all I have. I have never been able to fight back. I've never received a sincere apology. She may have said the words, 'I'm sorry,' but she also said she doesn't remember anything. She forced the apology out of her mouth and left my house looking completely irritated. I don't even know why she came if she was going to act like that. As soon as she got to my house, she got all worked up and even started looking for a knife. I had no idea the male team leader and other managers would come too. I was in my night slip when I sat down to talk to them.
Anyway, here's what I keep trying to tell everyone. You keep asking, 'Is it not enough that I made her retire from the entertainment industry?' No. I still have nightmares about that person. I have to take more and more pills because of her. I keep wanting to hurt myself and die. When I ask myself why I feel the way I do, I can only think of her as the reason. Why did I upload the picture of my bloody wrist? I wanted her friends to see. Maybe they'll let her know. I've been trying to get in touch with her, but she won't answer me. I don't know if she changed her number.
Self harm? I do it at least once every three days. It's not her body, it's mine. My family suffers with me. The people around me worry about me. They want to know why I keep doing this... I do it because I think all this is so unfair, yet there is no way for me to resolve it. It has been so long since I stopped having motivation for anything. I cry over nothing and everything. To live like this... To see myself live on like this, sometimes I feel like it might be better that I stop living. To be honest, I'm not so scared anymore.
Really though. I really, really want to sit down one-on-one with her and talk it out. Fight it out. Just get an apology... or something. A decade is a long time. You all may never understand, but I am the victim involved, and I remember everything. I will remember it forever. I had to give up on the career that used to be my goal. I had to walk out of my own dream come true. So no, unless you too have gone through exactly what I went through, you will never know what I felt back then and why I keep living like this."
What are your thoughts on Mina's post?