Posted by mkim93 AKP STAFF Sunday, December 24, 2017

Super Junior's Leeteuk writes a heartfelt message to Jonghyun and talks about depression

Jonghyun, Jonghyun, Leeteuk
On December 24, Super Junior's leader Leeteuk wrote a heartfelt letter to the late Jonghyun and also opened up on his own experience in dealing with depression.

The message reads, "...No one can say they knew you well and there probably isn't a person who can say they shared everything with you because you guys were close. One person's loneliness, anger, sadness...I think I'll have to think about it a lot for the time being on if you made the final choice because you had no road to express them and what is being said to the people left. My heart aches more as I feel that I couldn't pull harder on the hand that reached out for help. It was too heavy of a weight to say it was endurable because you were a celebrity and to give up one thing, you walked a long way for you to do this or that which hurts my heart even more. The day before I sent you off, the image of when you came into my dream to tell me I need to be happier while you smiled brightly at me is still fresh in my eyes. Everyone faces hardships and pain but those cannot be measurable and the emotions one feels in those situations will be the hardest to bear. I, too, experienced with severe depression and thought to myself at times that it might be better to die than live and breathe which made each day difficult. In the military, they probably thought I was just putting on a show and those perceptions made it even harder, this lasted for almost a year but I managed to pull through. Because I have been through this experience, it would have been a little better if there was an even the smallest way out...It might be because it's Christmas but I'm feeling the deepness of term Christmas miracle. I feel that it's important to live happier from now on. I hope everyone spends every and each day as a special day just like Christmas."

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..그 누구도 너를 잘안다고 말할수 없고 그 누구도 너랑 친해 모든걸 공유 했다고 말할수 있는 사람은 없을것이다 한 사람의 외로움이,분노가,슬픔이..표현할 길이 없어 마지막의 선택을 했는지 남은 사람들에게 무엇을 말하고 있는지 당분간 생각을 좀 많이 해봐야할거 같다 손잡아달라고 내밀던 손을 더 힘껏 끌어주지 못한 미안함에 더 가슴 시리고 연예인이기에 견뎌할무게라고 하기엔 너무나도 큰 무게였고 어느 한가지를 포기하기엔 많은 길을 걸어왔기에 이러지도 저러지도 못한 그 모습이 더 마음이 아플뿐입니다 보내기 전날 꿈에 찾아와 형 이 더 행복해야한다고 환희 웃고 간 모습이 아직도 눈에 선합니다 누구에게나 시련이나 아픔 고통들이 있지만 그 크기는 서로 잴수없는것이며 자기가 처한 상황에 느끼는 감정이 가장 힘들고 어려울수있을것입니다 저도 우울증을 심하게 겪으면서 살아숨쉬는것보다 죽는게 나을거 같다는 생각에 하루하루가 힘들었고 군대에선 그런나를 그저 쇼하는 모습으로 비춰졌을테고 그런 시선들이 더 힘들었고 그렇게 1년가까이 어렵고 힘든 시간을 견뎌냈고 이런상황을 겪겨봤기에 조금이라도 해소 할수 있는 아주 작은 탈출구가 있었더라면 조금은 나았을텐데...크리스마스라 크리스마스의 기적이라는 단어가 더 깊이 느껴집니다 앞으로 우리는 더 행복하게 살아가는게 중요하다 느껴집니다 모두 언제나 크리스마스 같은 특별한 하루하루 보내길 바랍니다

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