Former 4minute member Heo Gayoon opened up about the loss of her older brother and how the tragedy led her to leave Korea and begin a new chapter of life in Bali.
On January 14, a video titled 'I couldn’t even open the new things… Breaking down while sorting through my brother’s belongings' was released on the Sebasi Talk YouTube channel. In the video, Heo Gayoon shared her deeply personal story as both a singer and author of the essay collection 'At the Strangest Sea, I Became Most Like Myself.'
Recalling the moment she learned of her brother’s passing, Heo Gayoon said she received an early-morning phone call from her mother informing her that her brother had suddenly died. She explained that he worked at a medical company and was always extremely busy with work. “He used to say that once he saved enough money, he wanted to live independently and travel,” she recalled.
Heo Gayoon lost her brother in 2020. It was later reported that his death was caused by complications from a pre-existing illness. She went on to describe the pain of sorting through his belongings shortly after he had moved out on his own. “While organizing his things at his place, his words kept coming back to me. It was heartbreaking that he worked nonstop and didn’t get to do the things he wanted,” she said. “All the appliances were brand new, which made it even more painful. He wouldn’t have known this would happen. If he had, he wouldn’t have kept saying ‘later’ or ‘next time.’ I couldn’t stop thinking about how much regret he must have felt.”
The experience left her overwhelmed by the thought that life could feel “so empty,” which ultimately became the reason she decided to leave for Bali. “I started thinking, ‘Even if I were to die tomorrow, I want to live without regrets. If there’s something I want to do, I shouldn’t put it off,’” she explained.
In Bali, Heo Gayoon said she learned how to live more freely and independently. “I ate whatever I wanted without worrying about others. When I lived in Korea, I had never even gone to a café alone. I was scared of doing things by myself,” she admitted. “The first time I went out to eat bare-faced in a tracksuit, I felt incredibly happy.” She added that the experience helped her overcome binge eating and brought her a sense of peace.
Concluding her story, Heo Gayoon acknowledged that her current life comes with uncertainty. “I don’t earn as much as I used to, and my future isn’t guaranteed, so there are times when I feel anxious,” she said. “But instead of pushing myself to chase something uncertain, I’m choosing to protect my everyday life.” She added, “I hope we can all live without regrets, no matter what happens tomorrow. Please take care of your health and enjoy the small happiness found in daily life.”
Heo Gayoon debuted in 2009 as a member of 4minute and later transitioned into acting following the group’s disbandment in 2016. She recently drew attention by sharing updates about her life in Bali and has since released her essay collection reflecting on her journey.
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