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Posted by germainej AKP STAFF Friday, July 3, 2020

Former AOA member Mina continues exposing Jimin's alleged bullying & opens up about mental distress

AKP STAFF

[Content Warning: Suicide and self-harm]

Former AOA member Mina is continuing to expose alleged bullying by her former groupmate Jimin.

As previously reported
, Mina posted evidence of self-harm following Jimin's apparent denial of her claims. The former AOA member is now continuing to expose Jimin's alleged bullying and subsequent actions, and she's also opening up about her own mental and emotional distress. Mina made the following posts on Instagram:

1. "The reason I brought up that person in AOA is because my dad was diagnosed with late-stage pancreatic cancer, and I knew he would pass away soon. Because I thought she would scold me again. I had an acting job, and we were making a comeback, so I didn't want to negatively affect the other members as we were promoting. I had to learn lines and smile a lot. I felt like I couldn't get caught up about thoughts of my dad, and I needed to do my job properly, so I couldn't visit my dad at the hospital. Because of cancer, he was skin and bones, and I couldn't help but cry when I saw him. My sister would call and say my dad couldn't sleep anymore but was still asking for me. But what if I start crying during our schedule? What if she says something to me again? I was so young, and I thought that was what I needed to do. I thought that was the right thing to do, and I didn't want to get scolded anymore. So I could have seen my dad more, but I didn't. When my father closed his eyes, I saw it, and I heard the sound of the machine as his pulse was gone. I was told my dad had written in shaky writing, 'Where is my daughter?' on a sketchbook and showed the nurse, but I hadn't been able to go see him because I was working. From what I heard, she'd been given a VIP room and her solo activities were canceled, but I hoped that wasn't the case. You should be professional too. Don't cry, okay? You said it ruined the mood, you asked why you had to walk on eggshells because of me. You need to overcome it as well. I still can't forget the memory of what you said and how you acted. Even though the memories are fainter, I remember them all. Whenever I remember them, I take medication and get through it. But I think what happened with my dad will stay with me for the rest of my life. Those might have been words you said without much thought for me, but those words were so hurtful to me. In our last 5 minutes together, I told you that you had been hurtful, and you glared at me and said, 'I don't think I'm that much of a bad person to say something like that?' Another member so bravely spoke up and said you did say those words. I felt so dispirited that I couldn't say anything, and I thought to myself, 'Is she even human?' We said our goodbyes. Honestly, I'm not that smart, so I have a really bad memory. But when it comes to you, the list is endless. There's so much there. I'll only say that one thing because who knows. I terminated my contract with the agency, but what if they ask me to pay for breach of contract? I haven't said everything, so it's okay, right? Because of you, I take numerous pills, and because I cut my left wrist so much, the nerves are so damaged, it stings and aches. But when I look at my mom, I feel the will to live. I need to make money. So I'm working hard to undergo scar treatment though I still have nightmares. What's funny is that before I left, we would have drinks together without you and talk, but still, none of us could figure it out. Why do you hate me?"

2. "I guess it's difficult for her to come and apologize to me. Whenever a new manager came to work for us, she would say that I'm a scary person who acts dumb. Why am I scary, and why would I act dumb? When I came back from an audition, she would say I was acting as if I would get something. When I was dieting because I wanted my face to come out onscreen well, she would say, 'Mina, why is your body like that? It looks f**cking terrible. Gain some weight.' During our trainee days, you would smack us and stand way in front. We would say formally, 'Did you sleep well?' 'Yes, we're sorry' 'We apologize.' If you wanted to bring someone to the dorm, you would do what you wanted. It was so noisy that I slept in the practice room. You would talk negatively about each of the members, saying, 'Hey, don't you think so-and-so changed lately?' You said things that shouldn't be said. Oh yeah, you scolded me for not greeting you first at the hair salon, but you don't remember anything do you? I've only written the small things you did. There was so much worse you did during the 10 years. Because of you unni, I don't have anything else to lose, and more than that, did you know I'm not scared of anything either? Because what gave me fear was you. The presence of you gave me stress. You wouldn't know if you just read these words, right? That was my everyday, so I've forgotten everything and only mental illness is left along with a few harsh words. My suicide notes always had your name in it, unni. I thought that maybe you would at least feel a bit guilty if you read it later on. I collapsed due to stress, collapsed due to seizures, collapsed due to suicide attempts. My mom cried. My older sister has cancer, and she would run to the emergency room because of me. I've never once talked back to you. Did I do something wrong to you since our trainee days, debut days, or afterwards? If there is, tell me. Did you hate me because I'm not good at flattery? I still did my best. Whether you scolded me or not, I had my pride, but I approached you with a big smile. I was amazed when you said you were taking medication for your mental health and going through a hard time. You said everything and did everything you wanted to say, you were completely selfish. I was so jealous of that. Of course, each of us probably were going through a difficult time, but at least you were able to express it? I had to suppress it no matter what. I'm out of my mind right now, and the one who made me like this is you, unni. You're the one who made my family suffer too. I normally had a very strong mindset. I would think to myself that you were like that because we were trainees, that you were like that because you were the leader. I wanted to pity you, but you're the same even after getting older. I wasn't even able to tell anyone I was going through a hard time because of you. Finally, I exploded during the contract renewal negotiations, and that's when my family found out. Still, did my family ever even say anything to you? Their daughter attempted suicide because of someone, and they didn't even get angry. Unni, you cried when you wanted to cry, and you got a lot of comfort too. I was scared to be scolded by you, so for 10 years... How did I get through it? At the end, I ate almost 200 sleeping pills because of you, unni, and then I collapsed. I don't remember, but on a piece of A4 paper, I wrote your name, apologized to my mom, and now I'm spending each day like that too. I'm broken in every way there is to be broken. My mom even got depression because of me, did you know? I don't want to live because of one person, you unni. The real sincere reason is because of you, unni. Even if you came to me and genuinely apologized, I'm already broken. I faint suddenly, I suddenly cry, and I take out a knife and write Shin Jimin. I'm so broken that my chest is overwhelmed, and I'm going crazy. Mom, dad, my older sister, I'm so sorry. Can't you at least tell me why you hate me? You were particularly harsh to me. I feel it's so unfair. I'm sure you're wondering why it's so crazy, but it's so unfair. When I open my eyes, I feel it's so unfair that I think I'm going to go crazy. It's really really hard. I was sitting in the passenger seat, and I was worried that you'd say something to me. My heart was beating so hard. That's how I lived. Unni, I want an apology. What would that change? I don't know either. I just want to go crazy. I want to run and do something. I'm so angry. There's no reason for me to have been tortured. Shin Jimin unni, right? I wish you could feel how I felt at least one day. I want to turn back time and exchange places at least once. Unni, you lived so comfortable. Say something. Let's hear it. Why did you hate me so much? Why? I hate you too. If it weren't for you, how would I be now. At least, I wouldn't have nightmares, cry everyday, and attempt suicide, right? I've done nothing to you, so I want to talk. I want to keep letting people know. That I have mental illness because of that unni. That's why I'm doing this right now. Isn't that pathetic? I exploded after being patient and patient. I couldn't handle it anymore, so I couldn't hide it."

3. "She said she's sleeping after taking her medication. Good for her. I'm holding back my tears as I soak my head in the sink. I can't fall asleep even if I take dozens of sleeping pills. Isn't that strange? I sleep after being awake for a few days. I cut my wrist and the house's floor is full of blood, but I'm just numb. I'm numb, and I think about when I'll die. How many people came to save me? Why were there so many people who suffered because of me? Unni, are you sleeping well? When I heard that, I got mad, and tears came flowing. I've gotten a lot angrier too. I'm weird. I'm so weird. Try living by putting your head in the sink every day. It really sucks. Unni, you're really a bad person. You have to feel it yourself. I want to sleep too. I want to sleep well at least one day. Why do the people around me have to suffer because of you, unni. Why did you have to make me into such a bad kid? I want to stop hurting other people, but I'm angry. It's unfair. It makes me go crazy. Don't sleep, and apologize to me. Wake up, unni. Don't make me even more broken. Wow, I'm so angry."

4. "I won't be able to achieve my dream anymore, right? But if you're human, you shouldn't either, unni. I told FNC Entertainment and everyone at the end. I was half functioning, couldn't open my eyes properly, and I stuttered my words. Even not recovering after hundreds of sleeping pills. That this is because of Jimin unni. No one listened, right? Who do I have to grab and tell? Don't get suddenly angry? I'm like this every day. I lived like this. No one knew because I didn't say anything. I hid it since I was 21 and secretly took pills to get through it. I lived like this. Because of Shin Jimin unni. Because of that unni who's sleeping well right now."

5. "To those who are going through a hard time because of someone right now. Just fight them. Don't hold it in. Or grab someone and tell them. Sleeping pills? Never take them because there's no end. Don't live like me. Don't put up with it. Please live doing whatever you want to do and expressing yourself."

What are your thoughts on Mina's posts? 


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아 근데 AOA그 언니 이야기 왜 적었냐면 난 아빠 췌장암 말기 선고받고 아빠가 갈거라는 걸 알고 있었는데 그 언니한데 또 혼날까봐 그리고 개인 연기도 하고 있었고, 컴백하고 있어서 스케줄 소화해내고 멤버들한데 피해주기 싫었고 대사도 외우고 웃어야 하는 부분도 많고 그래서 난 아빠 생각에 사로잡히면 안되고 일을 제대로 해야해 라고 생각했고, 아빠 병실에 들어가지도 못했어 췌장암 말기라서 뼈밖에 없는 모습 보니까 눈물이 안날수가 없더라고 언니도 전화오고 아빠도 이제 말을 잘 못하는데 날 찾았대 근데 만약 스케줄 하다가 울면 어떡해 또 저 언니가 뭐라하면 어떡해? 난 그때 나이가 너무 어려서 그렇게 해야되는 줄 알았어 그게 맞는거라고 생각했고 혼나는게 더 싫었어 그래서 더 볼 수 있었는데 못 보고 그렇게 아빠 눈 감았을때 삐 소리 듣고 보고 보냈어 옆에 스케치북에 아빠가 우리 딸 어디있어요? 라고 힘들게 삐뚤 빼뚤 적어서 간호사님한데 보여드렸다는데 그때도 일 하고 있어서 못갔었거든 근데 들리는 말론 언닌 특실 잡아주고 개인 스케줄들도 그렇고 뭐 취소했다는 말 들리던데 아니길바래 프로답게 해 언니도. 울지마 알았지? 분위기 흐려진다며 나 땜에 왜 눈치 봐야하냐며 그랬잖아 언니도 잘 이겨내 꼭. 나는 아직도 그 기억 못 지워 언니가 했던말들 행동들 사실 흐릿해도 전부 기억해 남아있어 그럴때마다 약 먹어가면서 견디고 있어 그치만 아빠때 일은 평생 갈 것 같다 언니는 그냥 뱉은 말이지만 난 정말 상처였던 것 같아 근데 마지막 우리끼리 5분의 시간때 내가 언니한데 얘기했어 그때 그게 상처였다고 그때 언닌 날 째려보며 말했지 내가 그런말 할 정도로 나쁜년이라고는 생각안하는데? 했어 그러자 다른 멤버가 언니 그랬었어 라고 정말 큰 용기내서 얘기해줬었어 난 허탈해서 아무말도 안나왔고 속으로 인간이 맞나? 싶었어 그러고 우리는 안녕했지 나도 솔직히 똑똑한 머리는 아니라서 기억력이 진짜 최악인데 오죽하면 언니는 끝이없다 너무 많지 근데 그냥 저거 하나만 할께 혹시 모르잖아 회사에서 해지계약서 썼는데 위약금 내라고 하면 어떡해 저 다 말 안했어요 괜찮죠? 언니 덕에 난 매일 약 수십알 먹고 왼쪽 손목은 하도 그어서 신경이 나가서 따갑고 저려 근데 엄마보니까 살아야겠더라고 돈도 벌어야해 그래서 열심히 흉터치료 받고있어 아직도 악몽은 꾸지만, 근데 웃긴건 나가기전에 언니 빼고 우리끼리 술 마시면서 맨날 대화 나눴거든 근데도 우리 다 아직도 모른다? 날 싫어한 이유가 뭐야?

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찾아와서 사과 한마디가 어렵나보네 새로운 매니저들 올때마다 쟤 바보인척하는 무서운 년이라고 내가 왜 무서운년이고 바보인척을 해 오디션 보고오면 뭐라도 된줄 아냐고 내가 얼굴 잘나오고 싶어서 다이어트를 열심히 하면 민아야 너 몸이 왜그래? ㅈㄴ보기싫어 살좀쪄 연습생때는 손찌검 하고 니가 맨 앞에 있어서 그랬어 우린 뭐 안녕히 주무셨어요 네 죄송합니다 감사합니다 무조건 자기 마음대로 숙소도 자기가 데리고 오고 싶으면 데리고 오는거야 시끄러워서 나는 연습실에 가서 잤지 뭐 야 요즘 ㅇㅇ변한 것 같지않냐? 돌아가면서 멤버들 욕하지 입에 담을 수 없는 말 많이 했지 참 샵에서 언니한데 먼저 인사 안했다가 한 소리 들었는데 기억 안나지 다? 그리고 약한것만 썼어 10년동안 참 더한 행동 많은데 으랴 으랴 하지 난 언니 덕분에 잃을것도 없고 심지어 두려운 것도 없다? 나의 두려움 대상은 언니니까 나한데는 언니라는 존재가 스트레스였어 지금까지 글만 보면 모르겠죠? 저도 그냥 그게 일상이되서 이제는 다 까먹고 정신병만 남았네요 몇개의 심한말과 함께요 내 유서에는 항상 언니 이름이 있었지 나중에 읽으면 죄책감이라도 느끼려나 싶어서 스트레스로 발작으로 쓰러지고 자꾸 쓰러지고 자살시도해서 쓰러지고 우리 엄마는 울고 우리 언니도 암인데 나 때문에 퍼뜩하면 응급실 난 언니 말에 대들어본 적 단 한번도 없고 연습생부터 데뷔해서 활동까지 내가 잘못한게 있어? 있으면 얘기해봐 내가 아부를 잘 못하는 성격이라 싫어했나? 그래도 난 최선을 다했어 혼나든지 말든지 실실 웃으면서 다가가느라 나도 자존심이 있는데 말이야 나는 언니가 정신과 약 먹으면서 힘들다는게 신기했어 하고싶은 말 다~하고 하고싶은 행동도 거의 하고 완전 이기적인데다가 얼마나 부러웠는데 뭐 각자 개인적으로 힘든건 있었겠지 그래도 언닌 티라도 낼 수 있었잖아? 난 무조건 억눌러야 했어 나 지금 제정신 아니야 근데 나 이렇게 만든거 언니야 우리 가족 힘들게 한것도 언니야 나 원래 멘탈 엄청 강했어 연습생때는 다 그런거겠지 리더니까 그런거겠지 불쌍하다 생각하자 나이 먹고도 똑같아 언니 때문에 힘들다고 얘기 어디가서도 못했어 마지막 재계약 순간때 결국은 터졌고 가족들도 그때 알았지 그래도 우리 가족들은 언니한데 뭐라한적이라도 있어? 딸이 있잖아 누구 때문에 자살 시도를 그렇게 하는데도 화도 안냈어 언니는 울고 싶을때 잘 울고 위로도 많이 받았잖아 나는 언니한데 혼날까봐 그냥 10년을..도대체 어떻게 보냈지? 끝에 언니 때문에 나 수면제 200알 가까이 먹었잖아 그러고 쓰러져서 기억이 안나네 A4용지에 언니 이름 써놓고 엄마 미안하다 그러고 그리고 지금도 그렇게 하루 하루 보내 이미 고장 날때로 다 고장 나버렸어 나 때문에 우리 엄마도 우울증 걸렸다? 내가 언니 단 한명 때문에 살기가 싫거든 정말 진심으로 이유는 언니 단 한명이야 언니가 나한데 와서 진심으로 사과한다고 해도 나는 이미 고장나서 픽픽 쓰러지고 갑자기 울고 갑자기 칼 꺼내 종이에 신지민만 적어 너무 고장나서 울분이 막 가슴이 먹먹해 미치겠어 엄마랑 아빠랑 언니한데 너무 미안해 날 싫어한 이유라도 알려주면 안될까? 안 싫어했다고 하기엔 나한데만 유독 심했잖아 난 억울해 왜 이렇게 난리법석인가 싶겠지만 너무 너무 억울해 눈 뜨면 그냥 억울해서 미쳐버릴것만 같아 정말 정말 힘들다고 조수석에 앉아서 언니가 뒤돌아보면 나한데 한소리라도 할까봐 심장이 떨리면서 살았어 언니 나 사과 받을래 뭐가 달라지냐고? 나도 모르겠어 그냥 이렇게 미쳐 날 뛰어서라도 뭐라도 해보고 싶어서 말이야 분통이 터지잖아 아니 고통당한 이유가 없잖아 신지민언니야 엉? 내 심정 그대로 언니가 단 하루만 느껴봤으면 좋겠다 시간을 돌려서 단 하루만 바꿔보고싶어 언니 참 편하게 살았잖아 뭐라고 좀 해봐 들어보자 나 뭐가 그렇게 싫었어? 응? 나도 언니가 참 싫어 언니만 아니였으면 난 지금 어땠을까 적어도 매일 울고 악몽 꾸고 자살 하려하고 이러진 않지 않았을까? 나는 언니한데 뭘 한게 없어서 솔직히 떠들어대고 싶어 계속 막 알려주고 싶어 나 저 언니 때문에 정신병 왔다고. 그래서 지금 이러고 있어 한심하지? 참다가 참다가 터지니까 나 스스로가 감당이 안되서 숨길수가 없었다

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약 먹고 잔다네 좋겠다 나는 세면대에 머리 담궈가면서 눈물 참고 있다 나는 수면제 수십알 먹어도 잠이 안들어 신기하지? 한 몇일새고 잔다 손목을 칼로 갈라서 집이 피 바닥이 되도 나 그냥 멍해 멍하니 언제죽나 생각도 해보고 몇명이나 달려와서 나 살려줬지? 나 때문에 왜 이렇게 고생하는 사람이 많아졌지? 언니 잘 자고 있어? 난 그 소리 듣자마자 또 화나서 눈물이 나고 욱해 화도 많아졌어 나 이상해 완전 이상해 세면대에 맨날 머리 담구고 살아봐봐 진짜 그지 같애 진짜 언니 정말 나쁜 사람이야 자기 자신이 느껴야지 나도 자고싶다 나도 하루라도 제대로 자고싶다 왜 언니 때문에 내 주변 사람들이 다 고통받아 왜 이렇게 날 나쁜애로 만들어놨어 어? 속 그만 썪이고싶어 나도 근데 화 나 잖아 억울하잖아 사람 돌게하잖아 자지말고 사과하라고 정신차려 언니 나 더이상 망가지게 하지말아주라 와 너무 화가난다

A post shared by 권민아 우리액터스 actress (@kvwowv) on



If you or someone you know is at risk of self-harm or suicide, seek help as soon as possible by contacting agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention in the United States and abroad.
  1. AOA
  2. Jimin
  3. Mina
238 285,324 Share 93% Upvoted

136

jinkiswife521 pts Friday, July 3, 2020 12
Friday, July 3, 2020

This sounds like a suicide note.. I really hope her family and friends are by her side right now and not alone. I trust mina and oh damn you jimin. I didn't know she's such a two faced idiot.

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105

bartkun9,839 pts Friday, July 3, 2020 1
Friday, July 3, 2020

:( that's one of the saddest stories I've ever read in my life.

I hope Mina will stay strong

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