[Content Warning: Suicide and self-harm]
Former AOA member Mina is continuing to expose alleged bullying by her former groupmate Jimin.
As previously reported, Mina posted evidence of self-harm following Jimin's apparent denial of her claims. The former AOA member is now continuing to expose Jimin's alleged bullying and subsequent actions, and she's also opening up about her own mental and emotional distress. Mina made the following posts on Instagram:
1. "The reason I brought up that person in AOA is because my dad was diagnosed with late-stage pancreatic cancer, and I knew he would pass away soon. Because I thought she would scold me again. I had an acting job, and we were making a comeback, so I didn't want to negatively affect the other members as we were promoting. I had to learn lines and smile a lot. I felt like I couldn't get caught up about thoughts of my dad, and I needed to do my job properly, so I couldn't visit my dad at the hospital. Because of cancer, he was skin and bones, and I couldn't help but cry when I saw him. My sister would call and say my dad couldn't sleep anymore but was still asking for me. But what if I start crying during our schedule? What if she says something to me again? I was so young, and I thought that was what I needed to do. I thought that was the right thing to do, and I didn't want to get scolded anymore. So I could have seen my dad more, but I didn't. When my father closed his eyes, I saw it, and I heard the sound of the machine as his pulse was gone. I was told my dad had written in shaky writing, 'Where is my daughter?' on a sketchbook and showed the nurse, but I hadn't been able to go see him because I was working. From what I heard, she'd been given a VIP room and her solo activities were canceled, but I hoped that wasn't the case. You should be professional too. Don't cry, okay? You said it ruined the mood, you asked why you had to walk on eggshells because of me. You need to overcome it as well. I still can't forget the memory of what you said and how you acted. Even though the memories are fainter, I remember them all. Whenever I remember them, I take medication and get through it. But I think what happened with my dad will stay with me for the rest of my life. Those might have been words you said without much thought for me, but those words were so hurtful to me. In our last 5 minutes together, I told you that you had been hurtful, and you glared at me and said, 'I don't think I'm that much of a bad person to say something like that?' Another member so bravely spoke up and said you did say those words. I felt so dispirited that I couldn't say anything, and I thought to myself, 'Is she even human?' We said our goodbyes. Honestly, I'm not that smart, so I have a really bad memory. But when it comes to you, the list is endless. There's so much there. I'll only say that one thing because who knows. I terminated my contract with the agency, but what if they ask me to pay for breach of contract? I haven't said everything, so it's okay, right? Because of you, I take numerous pills, and because I cut my left wrist so much, the nerves are so damaged, it stings and aches. But when I look at my mom, I feel the will to live. I need to make money. So I'm working hard to undergo scar treatment though I still have nightmares. What's funny is that before I left, we would have drinks together without you and talk, but still, none of us could figure it out. Why do you hate me?"
2. "I guess it's difficult for her to come and apologize to me. Whenever a new manager came to work for us, she would say that I'm a scary person who acts dumb. Why am I scary, and why would I act dumb? When I came back from an audition, she would say I was acting as if I would get something. When I was dieting because I wanted my face to come out onscreen well, she would say, 'Mina, why is your body like that? It looks f**cking terrible. Gain some weight.' During our trainee days, you would smack us and stand way in front. We would say formally, 'Did you sleep well?' 'Yes, we're sorry' 'We apologize.' If you wanted to bring someone to the dorm, you would do what you wanted. It was so noisy that I slept in the practice room. You would talk negatively about each of the members, saying, 'Hey, don't you think so-and-so changed lately?' You said things that shouldn't be said. Oh yeah, you scolded me for not greeting you first at the hair salon, but you don't remember anything do you? I've only written the small things you did. There was so much worse you did during the 10 years. Because of you unni, I don't have anything else to lose, and more than that, did you know I'm not scared of anything either? Because what gave me fear was you. The presence of you gave me stress. You wouldn't know if you just read these words, right? That was my everyday, so I've forgotten everything and only mental illness is left along with a few harsh words. My suicide notes always had your name in it, unni. I thought that maybe you would at least feel a bit guilty if you read it later on. I collapsed due to stress, collapsed due to seizures, collapsed due to suicide attempts. My mom cried. My older sister has cancer, and she would run to the emergency room because of me. I've never once talked back to you. Did I do something wrong to you since our trainee days, debut days, or afterwards? If there is, tell me. Did you hate me because I'm not good at flattery? I still did my best. Whether you scolded me or not, I had my pride, but I approached you with a big smile. I was amazed when you said you were taking medication for your mental health and going through a hard time. You said everything and did everything you wanted to say, you were completely selfish. I was so jealous of that. Of course, each of us probably were going through a difficult time, but at least you were able to express it? I had to suppress it no matter what. I'm out of my mind right now, and the one who made me like this is you, unni. You're the one who made my family suffer too. I normally had a very strong mindset. I would think to myself that you were like that because we were trainees, that you were like that because you were the leader. I wanted to pity you, but you're the same even after getting older. I wasn't even able to tell anyone I was going through a hard time because of you. Finally, I exploded during the contract renewal negotiations, and that's when my family found out. Still, did my family ever even say anything to you? Their daughter attempted suicide because of someone, and they didn't even get angry. Unni, you cried when you wanted to cry, and you got a lot of comfort too. I was scared to be scolded by you, so for 10 years... How did I get through it? At the end, I ate almost 200 sleeping pills because of you, unni, and then I collapsed. I don't remember, but on a piece of A4 paper, I wrote your name, apologized to my mom, and now I'm spending each day like that too. I'm broken in every way there is to be broken. My mom even got depression because of me, did you know? I don't want to live because of one person, you unni. The real sincere reason is because of you, unni. Even if you came to me and genuinely apologized, I'm already broken. I faint suddenly, I suddenly cry, and I take out a knife and write Shin Jimin. I'm so broken that my chest is overwhelmed, and I'm going crazy. Mom, dad, my older sister, I'm so sorry. Can't you at least tell me why you hate me? You were particularly harsh to me. I feel it's so unfair. I'm sure you're wondering why it's so crazy, but it's so unfair. When I open my eyes, I feel it's so unfair that I think I'm going to go crazy. It's really really hard. I was sitting in the passenger seat, and I was worried that you'd say something to me. My heart was beating so hard. That's how I lived. Unni, I want an apology. What would that change? I don't know either. I just want to go crazy. I want to run and do something. I'm so angry. There's no reason for me to have been tortured. Shin Jimin unni, right? I wish you could feel how I felt at least one day. I want to turn back time and exchange places at least once. Unni, you lived so comfortable. Say something. Let's hear it. Why did you hate me so much? Why? I hate you too. If it weren't for you, how would I be now. At least, I wouldn't have nightmares, cry everyday, and attempt suicide, right? I've done nothing to you, so I want to talk. I want to keep letting people know. That I have mental illness because of that unni. That's why I'm doing this right now. Isn't that pathetic? I exploded after being patient and patient. I couldn't handle it anymore, so I couldn't hide it."
3. "She said she's sleeping after taking her medication. Good for her. I'm holding back my tears as I soak my head in the sink. I can't fall asleep even if I take dozens of sleeping pills. Isn't that strange? I sleep after being awake for a few days. I cut my wrist and the house's floor is full of blood, but I'm just numb. I'm numb, and I think about when I'll die. How many people came to save me? Why were there so many people who suffered because of me? Unni, are you sleeping well? When I heard that, I got mad, and tears came flowing. I've gotten a lot angrier too. I'm weird. I'm so weird. Try living by putting your head in the sink every day. It really sucks. Unni, you're really a bad person. You have to feel it yourself. I want to sleep too. I want to sleep well at least one day. Why do the people around me have to suffer because of you, unni. Why did you have to make me into such a bad kid? I want to stop hurting other people, but I'm angry. It's unfair. It makes me go crazy. Don't sleep, and apologize to me. Wake up, unni. Don't make me even more broken. Wow, I'm so angry."
4. "I won't be able to achieve my dream anymore, right? But if you're human, you shouldn't either, unni. I told FNC Entertainment and everyone at the end. I was half functioning, couldn't open my eyes properly, and I stuttered my words. Even not recovering after hundreds of sleeping pills. That this is because of Jimin unni. No one listened, right? Who do I have to grab and tell? Don't get suddenly angry? I'm like this every day. I lived like this. No one knew because I didn't say anything. I hid it since I was 21 and secretly took pills to get through it. I lived like this. Because of Shin Jimin unni. Because of that unni who's sleeping well right now."
5. "To those who are going through a hard time because of someone right now. Just fight them. Don't hold it in. Or grab someone and tell them. Sleeping pills? Never take them because there's no end. Don't live like me. Don't put up with it. Please live doing whatever you want to do and expressing yourself."
What are your thoughts on Mina's posts?
If you or someone you know is at risk of self-harm or suicide, seek help as soon as possible by contacting agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention in the United States and abroad.