Mental Health Thread ♡

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by kddicted, Dec 28, 2016.

  1. JT_HannahGrace

    JT_HannahGrace Public Figure

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    Please reach out for help. :(

    United States

    American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

    Crisis Text Line: A 24/7 nationwide text-messaging hotline. Text 741741 to talk to a trained counselor.

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-8255- Available 24 hours every day.

    The Trevor Project:Call 1-866-488-7386.Crisis and suicide prevention services available to the LGBTQ+ community.

    Trans Lifeline:Call (877) 565-8860. Crisis and suicide prevention services for trans and non-binary individuals.

    Veterans Crisis Line: Call 1-800-273-8255 and press 1 for help. Text 838255 for text-based services. This service aids veterans.

    Canada

    Kids Help Phone: Call 1-800-668-6868.A 24-hour service for youths 20 and under.

    The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Assistance is available in French and English. However, they are not a crisis center, but they do have links to crisis centers in each Canadian province.

    Trans Lifeline: Call (877) 330-6366

    Youthspace: This service helps people aged 30 and under. Text them at 778-783-0177. The service is available from 6pm to midnight PST.



    For a complete list of suicide and crisis lifelines available in many countries, please visit Wikipedia’s list of resources.
     
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  2. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Anonymous Post #11

    I might just disappear from here and possible not come back, which is something I would never say... I've been around here for so long I find myself more irritated with the repetitive cycle of new users, sensitive, naïve and reckless But they aloud to be. The problem isn't them (they possible they do but that's their own issues) it's me, why am I dwelling in a place where I feel nothing for the majority of users, and find most things trivial and fickle But then I don't feel much for anyone on the internet cause I can't connect to people like that, I only connect the old fashion was through face to face conversation. Maybe these are empty words in terms of leaving cause I'm going through pms symptoms... But no would notice I was gone tbh, that's always how it is and I'm fine with that.
     
  3. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Anonymous Post #12

    I lack the privilege of having and kind of control in my life. So when I get into a car, I suddenly have an immense ability to control my surroundings. This is a problem because @ the back of my head while driving, there are voices saying that "hey man! You can crash at any moment. You and your passenger can die, you have their life & blood in your hands!!" It is terrifying. Or I have a random thought to just kill myself already with the car. There are moments that are even more concerning because I start dissociating the heck out while in between traffic. I look ahead, but my mind shuts down so it's difficult for someone to notice this change of behavior. There are quite a few occurences where I nearly swerve off the road and crash because of this. I'm going to do my road test in November after cancelling twice, but idk. This doesn't even only apply for the road but in real life too, I zone out too much at school or repeatedly during conversations.
     
  4. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Anonymous Post #13

    Please put it in a spoiler.

    For as long as I can remember, I have harboured intense depression and isolating feelings in myself. And for as long as I can remember, bad things have continued to happen to me. Since I don't know where else to post this, as I do not want my family to find out, I decided to do it anonymously here.

    When I was still a young girl, I used to be rather 'pretty', according to a lot of people around me. But I happened to be 'pretty' in a manner that made people think that I was very innocent and probably dumb enough not to know what was going on. It didn't help that I was also a very quiet and introverted kid, to the point that I was considered mute or arrogant, or even sick, by my peers.

    I was still eight years old when I was first touched inappropriately by a male. That male was a tutor who used to come to my house to teach me, and my siblings. At first, I didn't know what was going on, but overtime I began to realise what he was doing. However, I was too scared to outright tell my parents what was happening to me. So, I decided to lie and told my mother that the teacher always pinched me, and that I don't want to study with him anymore. That teacher was fired after that, but it took me an year to realise what I had really happened.

    Right after I had gotten away from that influence, I thought that things would turn out to be better. However, it didn't take long for a distant-uncle (my father's cousin) to become interested in me. He began to pester and force me to touch his private part whenever he came to visit and got me alone. At that time, I was unable to understand how a someone related to me could do that to me. I thought only strangers could do that. I tried not to touch him and when I couldn't think of how to tell my family about this, I ended up deciding to just hide whenever he came around and overtime, he stopped looking for me. I still see him sometimes when he comes to visit but I never leave my room. Once more, I had thought that it would be the end of it. But unfortunately, it wasn't.

    I used to take the school bus with my siblings, and the bus driver happened to be another distant relative of mine. Just like the teacher, he began to inappropriately touch me. Again, I was not sure how to bring this up to anyone, and I ended up trying to get away from him by myself, avoiding the bus as much as I could and sitting the furthermost from him before I changed schools.

    Around the same time, I was also dealing with a cousin, someone who was not much older than myself, and he often found opportunities to rub himself against me, especially by pretending to 'hide' with me whenever we played hide-and-seek. It lasted until I gathered the courage to shove him away, something that scared and stopped him.

    When I changed buses, by the time I was in eighth grade, I began to attract some attention from the older boys at my school, who were went home in the same bus as myself. They were all about 3-4 years older than myself. I thought they were all decent people, until I began to get messages from them on Facebook. They would always give me strange compliments, saying that I looked like a certain actress or another - and whenever I looked to see who they were, they continuously turned out to be adult film actresses. Whenever I would block them, they would continue to respond by fake accounts where they would tell me about all the things that happened in those adult films with those actresses.

    At the same time, eighth grade also turned out to be the worst year of my life. I was made a prefect by my teachers, and my whole class made sure that I had no easy day. I was regularly ridiculed by my peers, the administrator and even the headmistress. My self-esteem and self-confidence took a horrible blow. I began to deliberately gain weight enough to appear 'ugly' to the superficial boys of my school. I began to do bad in school and stopped participating in activities. And I gained a lot of hormonal problems. It worked. No one wanted to touch me after that. No one wanted to tell me about those adult film actresses. I had thought that would be the end of it. But it seemed like people who were fat were just as equally mistreated as others.

    I was continuously belittled for gaining weight by my family and others around me. I had often thought that maybe life would not have turned out this way had I told my family about this. But my family life is not that great. My parents don't really spend a day without having an argument. Even if they say it doesn't matter if they fight, I have began to fear arguments, and loud voices cause me intense anxiety. And I was also physically and mentally abused by a close aunt, making me become even more of a recluse.

    I do not have a lot of friends to vent to. Since I had always been too quiet and shy, I have only interacted with people whose friends didn't come to school someday or went home early, making them have no one else to talk to but me, the only kid who sat alone.

    To this day, I struggle to make friends. I cannot make friends with people who I see often, as my bottled-up emotions cause a lot of trouble or I indulge too much in their troubles, which makes me even more suffocated. I can barely count three people to be my 'friends'. And I don't meet them for months at a time, and only talk to them when they have something troubling them. I have never been in a romantic relationship, even though I have met very nice men. But I cannot, for the life of me, ruin such nice people by burdening them with my problems.

    This year, I have finally turned 20. And now, I'm trying my best to turn my life around. I have started to lose weight and try to fix up my hormonal imbalance. But still, I struggle with horrible relapses and depression, as well as social anxiety. There are days when all I can do is cry all day long, and there are days when I lay in bed all day without doing anything. I often sleep for extended periods of time or I don't sleep for days, and I rarely find myself to be hungry. And I also get increasingly angry. I have no social life nor do I work to have one, and I no longer find any pleasure in things that used to excite me. I continuously get stressed about things out of my hand. Everything is increasingly suffocating.

    I have tried to commit suicide several times, but I never went through it out of fear of what would happen afterwards. And there is not a day that goes by without me contemplating suicide. I have not done horrible things to people, even when I could and thought it was 'justified', I always apologise for the smallest of inconveniences, I keep no grudges against anyone, I have never drank nor have I ever smoked, so why do bad things keep happening to me? I'm not a bad person. I just want to love and be loved.

    [I apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes. English is my third language, and I do not use it often.]
     
    #15244 ItsMilly43, Oct 16, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2019
  5. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this. If you've been here for a while, maybe taking a break away from this place will help? I find it's always helpful to take a break away every now and again, it can be an incredibly difficult place to be sometimes.

    Maybe it is PMS, but having a break away might help you decide whether you want to stay, or you want to go.

    I'm sure there are people who will miss you. It might just be hard to see them at the moment, if you're down on this place. <3
     
  6. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I can relate to this very much. I call that the asshole-frat-boy part of my brain, who tells me to crash the car, or walk into traffic, or jump when I'm up somewhere high. It's not suicidal thoughts, per se, just like you said, a control thing.

    It's concerning that you keep having dissociative moments, especially while driving. Do you think you would be able to go to your GP and discuss it with them? Just to make sure it's nothing serious if it keeps happening? I'm not saying it is serious, but it might be worth getting checked out.

    Keep strong, and keep control, don't listen to that part of your brain.
     
  7. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through. I want you to know that none of this is your fault. You are definitely not a bad person. The people who did these things to you are the vilest people in the world who took advantage of you, and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it.

    Please do not think about what you “should” have done. You were young and unsure of what was happening or how to get help, and if your home life wasn’t as supportive as it sounds, it’s understandable that you did not reach out for help earlier. It’s okay that you did not report it at the time. It’s not your fault.

    Reading what you have been through, and how you are struggling now, I think it would be incredibly beneficial for you to see a therapist, if you are not already seeing one. I know it can be scary to take that step forward, but I know you can do it. You are incredibly brave and strong to be telling us about this, even if it’s in anon, it’s still extremely brave to talk about this.

    If you are not ready to talk to someone face to face, I know in my country we have victim support helplines and sexual abuse helplines, where people can call and talk to a professional over the phone, and it’s all anonymous but they can help you in a professional capacity, maybe try searching for a number for your country?

    I wish there was so much more that I could do for you to help you.

    I like your positivity in the end. You can turn your life around, and you can get through this. Keep trying. It’s okay if some days you can’t get out of bed, or don’t want to interact with people, but keep trying.

    Please consider seeing a therapist or counsellor, as well. They can help you work through all your repressed memories and feelings, and help you. You deserve support after all you have been through.

    If you do contemplate or try to attempt suicide again, please reach out to a suicide hotline in your country for support in the moment.

    You’re not a bad person at all. I’m so sorry people have taken advantage of you. It’s not your fault at all.

    We’re here for you. Whenever you need us. If you don’t want to reach out through DM to talk with any of us, you can continue to talk to us through the anon form. Maybe make a nickname to use on the form, so we know it’s you?

    You are strong, and you are brave, and you can get through this.

    P.S. Your English is really good, I would never have guessed it’s not your native language.
     
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  8. Menean

    Menean Trendsetter

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    Do you ever think "you shouldn't be feeling like this.There's people suffering far more than you are so you don't deserve to act like you're in pain even when you are"? I've had this thought in my mind for months. I have almost everything I ask for. My life is good. But why am I feeling like this? Why am I in pain? How long will this last?

    What's worse is that I thought I got over this. I thought I'm okay. But I'm not. I don't even know what's wrong with me.
     
    #15248 Menean, Oct 16, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2019
  9. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Try not to negate your own feelings by comparing your struggles to someone elses.
    You're allowed to feel however you feel, no matter what someone else is going through.

    You will be okay. You will get through this.
    I encourage you to reach out to someone, a family member or friend or go to you GP.
    There are helplines you can call as well if you need.

    You can get through this. We're here for you.
     
  10. Menean

    Menean Trendsetter

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    Thank you. It's nice to hear someone telling me that I'll be okay even if I don't believe it.
     
  11. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    It's okay. <3
    I know it's hard to believe right now, but you will get through this.
     
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  12. anonymous-post

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    Anonymous Post #14

    i try to force everyone into the perfect world image i have when im just as trash as everyone else and idk how to get rid of it
     
  13. anonymous-post

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    Anonymous Post #15

    I hate that I am so sensitive to peoples comments about me and that I am self critical. Why do I overthink everything? This has affected my everyday living for all my life and I hate being like this. I seriously feel like my personality is awkward too. I want to stop being so hyper. But I can't help that.
     
  14. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    It's okay to have a perfect world image. We all want things to be better. Just as long as you know the difference between youe vision and reality, and try not to judge people if they don't fit into your vision.

    I'm sorry you're so critical of yourself. I'm sure you don't have an awkward personality. Try not to let other people's opinions of you, shape the way you see yourself. Their opinions don't matter in the long run.
    I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.
     
  15. kddicted

    kddicted Married to @Icy68446
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    Everytime I get sad, I shift to being angry, I know that's just as bad as being sad in the first place, maybe even worse, because if I just allowed to be myself to get sad about things, I could maybe let it go. Being angry at myself for feeling sad in the first place, being angry that things never change, being angry that someone like me is alive. I must seem so happy to the people in my life, but deep down I'm just sad. Sad in a way where I can still get through each day, takes events like what happened to make me wonder if I could really push through the rest of my life feeling this way, and then eventually die, but not from the cause I think about each day. If she couldn't do it, if he couldn't do it, if they couldn't do it, what makes me think I can do this? I wish I had just one person in my life outside screens, who understood how I felt. Even in counselling, I find myself angry at the fact that she doesn't truly understand, but that's not her fault. At what point in my life did I grow to be so unkind to myself? To direct these feelings toward others? I always thought I did well in managing my mental health, not allowing it to define who I was, but really I wasn't "good at managing it" or "kind". I pushed myself to a point where I felt so tired, and so sad, and so angry, and even now still continue to do so until I have started to sense there is no going back now, only forward. I'm afraid of myself. This feels bigger than myself, bigger than what I can hold in. I wish I could let myself go without hurting anyone.
     
  16. Papayaaa

    Papayaaa Public Figure

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    It looks like you found an answer. Yes, I think that if you allowed yourself to get sad about things, you'd have better chances to let it go. It doesn't come easy at first, facing our own feelings is scary but it becomes more natural with practice. Being mad about things that don't go as you wanted is normal and you shouldn't shame yourself for this. Maybe take some time everday to formulate out loud what makes you sad, how it could go wrong, and how it could turn out good. This could help you dedramatize the whole picture.

    Then, I get how frustrating it must be to be unable to find someone who truly understands you. But I think the most important thing in counseling or any human interaction is how it helps YOU understanding yourself, by pushing you to talk and take a step back. I think you should focus on this side of things instead.
     
    #15256 Papayaaa, Oct 17, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2019
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  17. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Anonymous Post #16
    I hate that my life is a mess. I faced constant physical and verbal abuse from my family, that started recently a few years ago- well the hitting always happened, but the verbal abuse has crept up over the past couple of years. It's driven me to the point of where I harm myself sometimes, and my family knows I do that, but they don't see it as self harm, they see it as I'm mentally ill.

    Adding onto the previous post about the physical and verbal abuse from my family - I wish they would just pick what to do. It's like they have dual personalities - one is loving and sweet to me just like how any one should be to their family member - and the other is a raging bitch. The times where they arent hitting me and calling me out on my shortcomings and making me feel terrible, they are so caring, and I do love them in those moments, I look forward to spending time with them. I hate to dissapoint them. But when they suddenly I guess abuse me like that (I have no idea if it's abuse) I'm filled by a deep loathing for them, and it really really really confuses me.

    Not to mention I've always been different. I've been different from all my peers in terms of my interests, I like things that they would find boring. I struggle to find who i really am, because of the switch I went through from middle school to high school. In middle school I had no friends and I was constantly excluded and people made racist remakes about me, I was known as the smart kid in the cornor reading that was like nice ish, but people thought I was a bitch and they judged hard. I never swore, and I don't think I seemed very confident to others.

    But to people outside school, I was this extroverted outgoing kid that had an interest in not just school, and I was really confident. I was seen as someone that was curious about the world around me. Then in high school, I met people that didn't mind being around me. In terms of my race my high school was more diverse. I developed a crush on someone, and I liked him a lot. I still like him, and its been like 2 years since high school started. I guess since no one really judged by race, and people were way more focused on school than they were in middle school, I got along moer with them.

    I was friendly with some people. I tried to enter the friend group my crush was in, then got excluded with it. I made a few new friends that I really got along with and they did like me, and we all wanted to do good in school. But I was still different.

    My parents are strict on a whole another level, unlike some of my friends. I liked the same subjects as them, but they weren't into the other things I was, like reading scientific articles, or books of fiction, and I loved to read, I'm a nerd. I also became way more outspoken in school, and I was still known as the smart kid. I also had a lot of other commitments since I was really dedicated to going to university that was really prestigious, which they weren't and that required a lot of time and effort on my part, more than they had to put in. But I started to swear, and I was known as this boy crazy girl among my friends, the really 4D one that always talked a lot, when in my middle school I was like the ew crushes type of person. They thought I had no struggles, until I told them about my parents last year. My parents didn't like my friends that much tho, and to be honest, I started to notice the differences between me and them.

    I had more personal issues than them, I had different goals, even if we wanted to be the same thing in life I had different interests, I felt like our conversations were always superficial. Not to mention that I felt like I was the one trying to make the effort to talk to them most of the time, they never texted me or called like how I did to them.

    because of some episodes with my parents last year I ghosted them at the end of last year and for the whole summer break. and then i started talking to them again the first week of school back because I missed them, then within a month, ghosted them for another week, and then started talking to some of them. I cut ties with one because they went and blabbed about my situation to some others, and I didn't like that, and so I didn't speak to them, and that friend then told others in our friend group about how we weren't speaking, and I thought she would keep it between us. Apparently not.

    And I made friends with a boy that was friends with a good friend of mine, and we got closer. We were also having more in common than the boy I liked for 2 years (I never talked to him, we weren't that close). The boy I got closer to, I think I started developing feelings for him, and they continued onto this year, but I learned today that he will never date or anything someone not of his religion, and I'm not.

    He's also a conservative piece of shit. So I forget my feelings for him, and I've been largely successful like that since I've focused on liking the person that I've liked for 2 years now. But we were friends, and every time I ghosted my other friends, I ghosted him. and I've ghoested him for the past two weeks because I've been going through a weird depressive phase where I'm questioning how the people around me feel. I've been wondering if my friendships are worth investing effort into.

    I just hate how I'm worried others will see me as a bitch. and I've been depressed for some time now, it started before I ghosted my friends the first time. the only issue is if I stopped trying at my friendships, i would feel lonely since I am naturallly extroverted and a people's person. and my friends aren't even toxic, I just don't think we have the same interests, and it's hard to relate to them when Im dealing with my personal shit.

    I don't know how to put this to them since every time I ghosted them, I came back to most of them, but now I just want to be happy on my own. I hate that when I don't talk that much in our convos people don't put in the effort to talk to me. that freaking annoys me.

    I've also had suicidal thoughts and searched up ways on how to end my life, throuhgout summer break, and now im not exactly suicidal currently, but I'm in this weird depressive phase.
     
  18. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through. Abuse comes in many shapes and forms. Do you have a trusted adult that you can talk to about what’s going on in your home life? A counsellor or relative or such?

    It’s okay not to know who you really are, some people go their whole lives not really knowing that. What matters most is being happy and content in your life, which doesn’t happen instantly, and can take some work to get there.

    It makes it more interesting if you have some differences between you and your friends, but try not to focus on the differences but focus on the things you have in common.

    Try not to ghost them too much. I know it can be hard when you’re not feeling well and dealing with a lot of personal issues that you don’t think they can relate to, but sometimes the best thing to do when you’re in those moments is to reach out to someone, you don’t have to tell them what’s wrong, just talk about random stuff that you both like can help.

    I know I’ve already said this, but do you have a counsellor or therapist you can go to? To help with the depression and suicidal thoughts, and to help you work through all your struggles? Because you’re going through a lot of heavy stuff, and sometimes it helps better to talk to a professional face to face about this stuff.

    I’m sorry I can’t help too much, but I want you to know that you’re not alone, and things do get better.

    Please put some thought into seeing a professional, it might seem scary or silly or things, but it can help.

    We’re here for you if you need us. <3
     
  19. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Anonymous Post #17
    I just fought back a panic attack earlier today.. im so afraid that i came to the point again where i start to have panic attacks again... i don't know what to do, I feel like my whole life is falling apart, nothing seems to work and I can't do anything
     
  20. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I'm sorry to hear this. Panic attacks are horrible. Just remember to try to breathe, and if you can, remove yourself from the situation that's causing you anxiety for a little while.
    And remember to take care of yourself after a panic attack, they have been likened to your body going through the exact same thing it would if you had run a marathon, so make sure to rest, drink lots, and eat healthy after a panic attack.

    I'm sure that's not true. I'm not sure exactly what's going on so I'm not sure if this will help, but maybe it will be helpful to stop for a bit and take a breather, and try to write down your priorities in order and make a schedule. Things seem a lot easier to handle if you have a set schedule and set times to do things.

    We're here for you, it's okay.
     
    Binnie_Bunny and Lulu_Key like this.
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