I can relate to this very much. I call that the asshole-frat-boy part of my brain, who tells me to crash the car, or walk into traffic, or jump when I'm up somewhere high. It's not suicidal thoughts, per se, just like you said, a control thing. It's concerning that you keep having dissociative moments, especially while driving. Do you think you would be able to go to your GP and discuss it with them? Just to make sure it's nothing serious if it keeps happening? I'm not saying it is serious, but it might be worth getting checked out. Keep strong, and keep control, don't listen to that part of your brain.