Mental Health Thread ♡

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by kddicted, Dec 28, 2016.

  1. anonymous-post

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    Anonymous Post #8

    i'm scared that i'm going to end up like sulli. we had so much in common. to lose the person i look up to, the person who taught me so much about confidence and how to be myself is heartbreaking. it has pitted me into another depressive episode. now, I've been having these for a while, but i just got out of a major one and i feel like another one is on its way. the last time i had an episode like this, i almost killed myself. i feel almost as if i should have. now, i know that sounds over-dramatic, but i feel it would've been a better option. i loved her. not in a weird, romantic way. like she was an older sister to me, even though i didn't know her. she always had good advice for me and i could see her and base what i was going to do off of her past experiences. i thought she was invincible. but i guess not. i wish she could hear me. i wish she would just say that this is a nightmare. i wish she would come back. please wake me up from this nightmare. thank you sulli.
     
  2. anonymous-post

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    Anonymous Post #9

    What if my threapist can't help me?
     
  3. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    You're allowed to be happy. I know it might seem right now that it's inappropriate to allow yourself to feel happiness or enjoy things, but it's not.

    Your bf sounds like a wonderful person, and your words to other people are beautiful. Thank you.

    You do deserve it. It's okay to enjoy and appreciate it. Wishing she received it too is totally okay, but please don't deny yourself things for that reason.
     
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  4. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself again, please reach out to a loved one or call a helpline or speak to your GP or therapist. I know it's hard, but it's important.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. She meant so much to you, so grieving is important, however you need to as long as it's safe and you don't hurt yourself.

    It might sound a bit silly, but if you want, write her a letter telling her exactly what she meant to you. Write everything out. You don't have to send it anywhere, just have it there for yourself and for her.

    Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. We're here for you. <3
     
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  5. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    This might not be helpful, but trust me, this is a thought that a lot of people have when it comes to therapy.

    All I can say is keep trying. It's helpful to have a person to talk to, and it's helpful to have a professional give advice or point things out from a different perspective.

    Therapists are a little like shoes though, sometimes the first one isn't the right fit, so you have to try another one. If you feel like your therapist isn't helping or you're not really that comfortable with them after a few sessions, it's okay to find a new one.

    I'm glad you're going and I hope you find it helpful soon. <3
     
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  6. sweettaylor

    sweettaylor Celebrity

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    There is something really weird going on with me.
    I hate showing myself vulnerable in front of others but i need to vent real hard.
    I have this strange (maybe even justified?) feeling of guilt for what happened to Sulli. Maybe it's too early to talk about it as we still need to wait for more info being revealed surrounding the cause of her death but today and yesterday was immensely hard on me. Although I have never mentioned Sullis name in any context, I can't help but feel horrible and many of my supressed feelings are somehow triggered. I feel drained and my head didn't stop hurting. I feel so miserable ever since the news broke out and now seeing so many kpop fans on every social platform accusing those who have ever said one harsh word against another idol of being guilty of "murdering" or as devil incarnate makes my stomach turn twice.
    I feel guilty for what I used to spread everywhere about a certain idol and i honestly have no idea what I would do if the same cruel thing happens to that certain idol that i used to trashtalk a lot.
    And i don't know what to do to make myself feel better.
    Maybe leaving akp or the internet for a while will help me calming down? I honestly don't know. But one thing for sure, seeing people everywhere on my timeline cursing the hell out of toxic kpop fans like me and accusing people like me of murder/culprit or devilish activities hurts so much and i don't know how to cope with it or how to make everything better.
    Sorry for the long text but I needed to say this.
     
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  7. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    What happened to Sulli is not your fault so please don't feel guilty about it.
    Everyone is reacting strongly right now because the wounds are so fresh, but I guarantee you that a large majority of the people attacking haters and saying things like that, have said hateful things about an idol at least once in their kpop fan career.

    Maybe use this as a positive thing to realise the power of your words, instead of a negative thing. You're not a bad person for having bad thoughts about someone, but sometimes those thoughts don't need to be vocalised, or at least vocalised publicly.

    Taking a break away might be a good idea while everyone is still trying to process what's going on and looking for someone to blame to help grieve.

    You're not a bad person at all, so please don't think this.
    I hope you feel better soon. I'm sorry you're feeling like this.<3
     
  8. kodoku

    kodoku Star

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    you're not worthless and you deserve to be loved, try telling yourself that, start building yourself up....

    it's okay to feel everything you are feeling. I'm sorry you are going through such hardships but I really believe Sulli would tell you to live on happily if she could, please don't let go

    thank you for sharing this with us, I'm happy for you and you deserve all those good things :)

    You're going to be okay. Your story, your journey.. they belong to only you, and are written by you, please always remember that

    they are only people too, and sadly, no one can fix things for us.. we must do it ourselves even if we are blessed enough to get somebody's help.. but if you aren't getting along with them or something like that, you could always try talking to someone else

    I think taking a break from the internet is a good idea, and maybe you could use that time to work on yourself, to take care of yourself in a better way and begin to heal..
     
  9. New_ONCE

    New_ONCE Rookie

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    I want to die
     
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  10. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I'm sorry. Please don't die. Can I do anything to help?
     
  11. anonymous-post

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    Anonymous Post #10

    I just tried to strangle myself to death, I felt my head getting hot as I started having issues to breathe, I also inflicted damage to myself but I couldn't get enough courage to use the knife I had at my own side to do so
     
  12. PLKP

    PLKP *:・❣️NCT¹²⁷✦ SVT¹⁷✦ BTS⁷❣️・:*

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    Please do seek professional help.
    If you can't do it in person, than please at least call/text suicidal hotlines. (Samaritans 116 123)

    So many people are in your position... but so many have powered through it. Whatever you are feeling right now, just know it won't be there forever.

    The fact that you were able to resist the knife shows courage. Please try and store away those and any items away - enough for you to not be able to access it.

    Write down your thoughts and what will motivate you to keep on living. Use distraction techniques in the meantime. Do what you enjoy.

    Anytime these dark thoughts come, switch on maybe your favourite tv show or dance like crazy in your bedroom to your favourite song. Do what makes you happy. Think about how you'll get through today and don't think about the future constantly. Just today.
     
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  13. JT_HannahGrace

    JT_HannahGrace Public Figure

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    Please reach out for help. :(

    United States

    American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

    Crisis Text Line: A 24/7 nationwide text-messaging hotline. Text 741741 to talk to a trained counselor.

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-8255- Available 24 hours every day.

    The Trevor Project:Call 1-866-488-7386.Crisis and suicide prevention services available to the LGBTQ+ community.

    Trans Lifeline:Call (877) 565-8860. Crisis and suicide prevention services for trans and non-binary individuals.

    Veterans Crisis Line: Call 1-800-273-8255 and press 1 for help. Text 838255 for text-based services. This service aids veterans.

    Canada

    Kids Help Phone: Call 1-800-668-6868.A 24-hour service for youths 20 and under.

    The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Assistance is available in French and English. However, they are not a crisis center, but they do have links to crisis centers in each Canadian province.

    Trans Lifeline: Call (877) 330-6366

    Youthspace: This service helps people aged 30 and under. Text them at 778-783-0177. The service is available from 6pm to midnight PST.



    For a complete list of suicide and crisis lifelines available in many countries, please visit Wikipedia’s list of resources.
     
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  14. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Anonymous Post #11

    I might just disappear from here and possible not come back, which is something I would never say... I've been around here for so long I find myself more irritated with the repetitive cycle of new users, sensitive, naïve and reckless But they aloud to be. The problem isn't them (they possible they do but that's their own issues) it's me, why am I dwelling in a place where I feel nothing for the majority of users, and find most things trivial and fickle But then I don't feel much for anyone on the internet cause I can't connect to people like that, I only connect the old fashion was through face to face conversation. Maybe these are empty words in terms of leaving cause I'm going through pms symptoms... But no would notice I was gone tbh, that's always how it is and I'm fine with that.
     
  15. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Anonymous Post #12

    I lack the privilege of having and kind of control in my life. So when I get into a car, I suddenly have an immense ability to control my surroundings. This is a problem because @ the back of my head while driving, there are voices saying that "hey man! You can crash at any moment. You and your passenger can die, you have their life & blood in your hands!!" It is terrifying. Or I have a random thought to just kill myself already with the car. There are moments that are even more concerning because I start dissociating the heck out while in between traffic. I look ahead, but my mind shuts down so it's difficult for someone to notice this change of behavior. There are quite a few occurences where I nearly swerve off the road and crash because of this. I'm going to do my road test in November after cancelling twice, but idk. This doesn't even only apply for the road but in real life too, I zone out too much at school or repeatedly during conversations.
     
  16. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    Anonymous Post #13

    Please put it in a spoiler.

    For as long as I can remember, I have harboured intense depression and isolating feelings in myself. And for as long as I can remember, bad things have continued to happen to me. Since I don't know where else to post this, as I do not want my family to find out, I decided to do it anonymously here.

    When I was still a young girl, I used to be rather 'pretty', according to a lot of people around me. But I happened to be 'pretty' in a manner that made people think that I was very innocent and probably dumb enough not to know what was going on. It didn't help that I was also a very quiet and introverted kid, to the point that I was considered mute or arrogant, or even sick, by my peers.

    I was still eight years old when I was first touched inappropriately by a male. That male was a tutor who used to come to my house to teach me, and my siblings. At first, I didn't know what was going on, but overtime I began to realise what he was doing. However, I was too scared to outright tell my parents what was happening to me. So, I decided to lie and told my mother that the teacher always pinched me, and that I don't want to study with him anymore. That teacher was fired after that, but it took me an year to realise what I had really happened.

    Right after I had gotten away from that influence, I thought that things would turn out to be better. However, it didn't take long for a distant-uncle (my father's cousin) to become interested in me. He began to pester and force me to touch his private part whenever he came to visit and got me alone. At that time, I was unable to understand how a someone related to me could do that to me. I thought only strangers could do that. I tried not to touch him and when I couldn't think of how to tell my family about this, I ended up deciding to just hide whenever he came around and overtime, he stopped looking for me. I still see him sometimes when he comes to visit but I never leave my room. Once more, I had thought that it would be the end of it. But unfortunately, it wasn't.

    I used to take the school bus with my siblings, and the bus driver happened to be another distant relative of mine. Just like the teacher, he began to inappropriately touch me. Again, I was not sure how to bring this up to anyone, and I ended up trying to get away from him by myself, avoiding the bus as much as I could and sitting the furthermost from him before I changed schools.

    Around the same time, I was also dealing with a cousin, someone who was not much older than myself, and he often found opportunities to rub himself against me, especially by pretending to 'hide' with me whenever we played hide-and-seek. It lasted until I gathered the courage to shove him away, something that scared and stopped him.

    When I changed buses, by the time I was in eighth grade, I began to attract some attention from the older boys at my school, who were went home in the same bus as myself. They were all about 3-4 years older than myself. I thought they were all decent people, until I began to get messages from them on Facebook. They would always give me strange compliments, saying that I looked like a certain actress or another - and whenever I looked to see who they were, they continuously turned out to be adult film actresses. Whenever I would block them, they would continue to respond by fake accounts where they would tell me about all the things that happened in those adult films with those actresses.

    At the same time, eighth grade also turned out to be the worst year of my life. I was made a prefect by my teachers, and my whole class made sure that I had no easy day. I was regularly ridiculed by my peers, the administrator and even the headmistress. My self-esteem and self-confidence took a horrible blow. I began to deliberately gain weight enough to appear 'ugly' to the superficial boys of my school. I began to do bad in school and stopped participating in activities. And I gained a lot of hormonal problems. It worked. No one wanted to touch me after that. No one wanted to tell me about those adult film actresses. I had thought that would be the end of it. But it seemed like people who were fat were just as equally mistreated as others.

    I was continuously belittled for gaining weight by my family and others around me. I had often thought that maybe life would not have turned out this way had I told my family about this. But my family life is not that great. My parents don't really spend a day without having an argument. Even if they say it doesn't matter if they fight, I have began to fear arguments, and loud voices cause me intense anxiety. And I was also physically and mentally abused by a close aunt, making me become even more of a recluse.

    I do not have a lot of friends to vent to. Since I had always been too quiet and shy, I have only interacted with people whose friends didn't come to school someday or went home early, making them have no one else to talk to but me, the only kid who sat alone.

    To this day, I struggle to make friends. I cannot make friends with people who I see often, as my bottled-up emotions cause a lot of trouble or I indulge too much in their troubles, which makes me even more suffocated. I can barely count three people to be my 'friends'. And I don't meet them for months at a time, and only talk to them when they have something troubling them. I have never been in a romantic relationship, even though I have met very nice men. But I cannot, for the life of me, ruin such nice people by burdening them with my problems.

    This year, I have finally turned 20. And now, I'm trying my best to turn my life around. I have started to lose weight and try to fix up my hormonal imbalance. But still, I struggle with horrible relapses and depression, as well as social anxiety. There are days when all I can do is cry all day long, and there are days when I lay in bed all day without doing anything. I often sleep for extended periods of time or I don't sleep for days, and I rarely find myself to be hungry. And I also get increasingly angry. I have no social life nor do I work to have one, and I no longer find any pleasure in things that used to excite me. I continuously get stressed about things out of my hand. Everything is increasingly suffocating.

    I have tried to commit suicide several times, but I never went through it out of fear of what would happen afterwards. And there is not a day that goes by without me contemplating suicide. I have not done horrible things to people, even when I could and thought it was 'justified', I always apologise for the smallest of inconveniences, I keep no grudges against anyone, I have never drank nor have I ever smoked, so why do bad things keep happening to me? I'm not a bad person. I just want to love and be loved.

    [I apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes. English is my third language, and I do not use it often.]
     
    #15236 ItsMilly43, Oct 16, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2019
  17. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this. If you've been here for a while, maybe taking a break away from this place will help? I find it's always helpful to take a break away every now and again, it can be an incredibly difficult place to be sometimes.

    Maybe it is PMS, but having a break away might help you decide whether you want to stay, or you want to go.

    I'm sure there are people who will miss you. It might just be hard to see them at the moment, if you're down on this place. <3
     
  18. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I can relate to this very much. I call that the asshole-frat-boy part of my brain, who tells me to crash the car, or walk into traffic, or jump when I'm up somewhere high. It's not suicidal thoughts, per se, just like you said, a control thing.

    It's concerning that you keep having dissociative moments, especially while driving. Do you think you would be able to go to your GP and discuss it with them? Just to make sure it's nothing serious if it keeps happening? I'm not saying it is serious, but it might be worth getting checked out.

    Keep strong, and keep control, don't listen to that part of your brain.
     
  19. ItsMilly43

    ItsMilly43 ✧༺♥༻✧

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    I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through. I want you to know that none of this is your fault. You are definitely not a bad person. The people who did these things to you are the vilest people in the world who took advantage of you, and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it.

    Please do not think about what you “should” have done. You were young and unsure of what was happening or how to get help, and if your home life wasn’t as supportive as it sounds, it’s understandable that you did not reach out for help earlier. It’s okay that you did not report it at the time. It’s not your fault.

    Reading what you have been through, and how you are struggling now, I think it would be incredibly beneficial for you to see a therapist, if you are not already seeing one. I know it can be scary to take that step forward, but I know you can do it. You are incredibly brave and strong to be telling us about this, even if it’s in anon, it’s still extremely brave to talk about this.

    If you are not ready to talk to someone face to face, I know in my country we have victim support helplines and sexual abuse helplines, where people can call and talk to a professional over the phone, and it’s all anonymous but they can help you in a professional capacity, maybe try searching for a number for your country?

    I wish there was so much more that I could do for you to help you.

    I like your positivity in the end. You can turn your life around, and you can get through this. Keep trying. It’s okay if some days you can’t get out of bed, or don’t want to interact with people, but keep trying.

    Please consider seeing a therapist or counsellor, as well. They can help you work through all your repressed memories and feelings, and help you. You deserve support after all you have been through.

    If you do contemplate or try to attempt suicide again, please reach out to a suicide hotline in your country for support in the moment.

    You’re not a bad person at all. I’m so sorry people have taken advantage of you. It’s not your fault at all.

    We’re here for you. Whenever you need us. If you don’t want to reach out through DM to talk with any of us, you can continue to talk to us through the anon form. Maybe make a nickname to use on the form, so we know it’s you?

    You are strong, and you are brave, and you can get through this.

    P.S. Your English is really good, I would never have guessed it’s not your native language.
     
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  20. Menean

    Menean
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    Do you ever think "you shouldn't be feeling like this.There's people suffering far more than you are so you don't deserve to act like you're in pain even when you are"? I've had this thought in my mind for months. I have almost everything I ask for. My life is good. But why am I feeling like this? Why am I in pain? How long will this last?

    What's worse is that I thought I got over this. I thought I'm okay. But I'm not. I don't even know what's wrong with me.
     
    #15240 Menean, Oct 16, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2019
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