I visited my doctor many many times during the last couple of years because of multiple ongoing physical and lately mental issues. My problems are real, my doctor is a good, caring doctor, and he never makes me feel like I'm crazy or anything. So I should feel fine about seeing him. But I always have this fear deep down that he starts to not take me seriously anymore or that he starts to think that I'm stupid and unable to take care of myself. Before every consultation I have this weight in my stomach like a big ball of guilt and shame. I ofen find myself ruminating on this and it's really adding another layer to everything. I know this fear is irrational and that there's nothing to do except ignoring it but I'm dropping this here because I never had the occasion to express this feeling clearly. Spoiler While I'm at it: -I deadly envy all those healthy 50+ peple who can enjoy life and do so many things while I'm a fucking 25 years old ball of constant pain. Sometimes the devil on my shoulder just wishes everyone was like me. -Dear chiropractor, I know you only meant well, but I fucking hate you for doing this to me. I told you my neck was sensitive. it feels like my life was stolen away from me, I haven't been myself for months, I have to be careful about every little thing, nothing is the same anymore, my brain doesn't know how to process this and I can't even curse you or sue you because I know you meant well.