I'm so so so so sorry for being so inactive >.<

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by SomeoneLovesEXO, Nov 10, 2019.

  1. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    Live is just getting me killed

    -> September:
    • I flew to a buisness meeting in Italy for 3 days
    • I got sick as hell
    • I got stomach problems after I ate nothing for 3 days cause I felt not hungry
    • I had a small car accidant and so my insurance made some problems about it
    • I overworked myself most of the time I was OK
    • I had to deal with my brother who got on my nevers a lot
    -> October:
    • I was on a not so great vacations
    • I got sick again and could not eat for almost 1 week
    • I lost weight again so I had to see the hospital for 3 days to get a check up since I'm as a male extremly thin allready
    • I overworked myself again most days
    • I fucked up with foreign customers that came to our company for a visit (since I'm the only one who speaks Korean and our customrs used to be Korean) and my boss almost cancled my job cause of this mistake. I mean I was not like having no job, but the job I got that has to do with the customers
    • I injured my left leg in public transportations and it still hurts a lot
    -> November (so far):
    • I overworked myself again but build up so many extra minutes from overworking that I took 2 days off as reward cause my head is just exploding
    • Oh and yes I hacve medicine since my check up at the hospital but its still so stressfull for me, that I couldn't eat a lot in the last weeks so I feel really weird cause of this. Its 5pm and the only thing I menaged to eat today was 1 strawberry joghurt and 2 cup of water so far >.<
    My live is just not good right now so for anyone who sees this and remembers me, I'm sorry
     
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  2. jisungstoes

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    Are u ok, luv?
     
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  3. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    Not really. I sit right now in my bed, my brother sits next to me and he is watching some TV while eating grapes and I just sit next to him not really sure if I should kick him out of my room (I'm 26, he is 21 and we share an apartent together). If I would kick him of he would get mad and cry a lot and overacts. I told him yesterday I was not feeling ok but he just ignored it, came closer to me as he sat on my bed to watch TV and said "its ok, I hug you and it gets better maybe" -.- this was not it... his hug endet up in he almost fully lied on me and made cat noises like purring and shit
     
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  4. Eziio

    Eziio Married to @just-a-melon
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    ^

    Your dp reminded me of an old friend i had one here so i decided to check in but omg the contents are a lot more worrying
     
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  5. jisungstoes

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    hm. interesting. im glad none of my siblings live with me anymore because this reminds me of something my little brother would do.
    hahahahahaha what do you mean "worrying"
     
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  6. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    Well... being me isn't easy, especially not when you often don't eat much, have a dad that can't really accept that you are gay, a brother that only wants to hang around with you and even says weird stuff like "Its unfair that you are my brother" (in a weird way, cause he once did the unbelivable thing of locking himself in the bath to cry after he said this and I just stood there being confused) and well I'm overworked and sick all the time since some months so ...
     
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  7. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    I think your brother is not even anaything close to what my brother is like. Sure my brother is cute and such but really annoying sometimes. Since we both used to be little my brother 90% of the time sleeps in my bed excusing himself that mine was just more comfortable. He wears only pijamas he stolen from our sister. He once said while crying it was unfrair that we both are siblings saying he had weird feelings for me as his brother. He all few months feels the weird "need" to kiss me saying "Its just cause I like my brother as a good person, nobody is so friendly, brave and nice like you" while I have this situation in my head that makes me feel uncomfortalbe as he locked himself in the bath and cried a year ago. He often hangs on me like a dog, for example I go to the grocery shopping he be like "I come with you!" all the time. He even dresses quit similiar to me and looks a lot like me (but in cuter) so an older woman oneday thought we are twins and said "ah cute" at us, but my brother overreacted and jumped around while holding my hand "she things we are cute twins" and he smiled like crazy while I was just like "You know we are 5 years apart... well.." the woman maybe could not hear it cause she said nothing and walked away...

    My brother is also the type of person: He steals your stuff and you only find it again cause he doesn't clean up his bedroom and you end up being the person who cleans his bedroom (I forgot when it begun but since at least 10 years I clean his bedroom lmost twice a week) and he tries to act up soooo inocent when he does shit. I mean some month before we moved out of our parents place he burned the kitchen down and went like "But but I just wanted to bake a cake" blah blah
     
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  8. Eziio

    Eziio Married to @just-a-melon
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    this guy has been through some stuff oof
     
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  9. Eziio

    Eziio Married to @just-a-melon
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    Honestly
    it might be time to try and surround yourself with as much positivity as you can
    speak to your brother about it
    speak to your dad about it
    look into how you could reduce your workload
    etc
     
  10. jisungstoes

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    Oh no. Not being disrespectful, but that is muchhhhhh worse than my 6 year old brother. I'm sorry that he's beong like this. Have you tried to tell him how his behavior makes you feel?
     
  11. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    I tried but guess what, having a Asian dad in a European country who only things my mom was respecting my live just cause she is European and so he had to be the stereotypical Asian dad is hard ... My mom "oh its ok" my dad "yeah not really" my mom "I respect this" my dad "I hope your sister or brother at least give us grandshildrens someday" blah blah ....

    My brother will end up being hurt when I talk to him and well I had a similiar talk to hi a year ago allready and it endet up thag he avoided to talk to me for some days and we lived at my parents back than and I was not in the mood to tell them what happend between us and so I lied at them saying it was all ok
     
  12. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    It did not really worked out. He was upset and cried and said stuff like "how can you be so mean" He went like "OK, guess what: I got it" but the only thing he did was geting sad for some days and so I try to hurt him less than I can, even tho he annoys me sometimes
     
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  13. jisungstoes

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    oh man. I'm trying to think of a way for you to like..... tell him without him getting emotional, but I honestly think the only option is to just tell him like it is
     
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  14. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    Bye bye for now I might need to take a paracetamol and go to get a warm shower and than might talk to my brother. I maybe come back here if we finished talking
     
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  15. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    @jisungstoes @Eziio

    OK so I talked to him and causewe normaly never have candy at home he begun to become frustrated while talking to him so he literally downed a 500g pack of grapes in like 5 minutes. I asked him if it was a bit to much asked for him if he could stay away from me for some days cause I feel not ok but the only thing he did was eating and the more I talked, the faster he ate and the only result out of it was that he whispered something in Korean but since I can understand him, I figured out he said something like "but its so boring alone in my room when I'm finished at work and my friends have often no time for me" I asked him if he had something to do in his own room like watching a show on his computer (he has no TV. I'm the only one owning one from us two) or if he could play a video game, doing sports, reading a book etc. but he only whispered while eating in Korean "but that shit sucks" I asked him if he could talk normaly to me instead of whispering since I understand what he says but than he stood up, took a deep breath and said "ok fine. You need some days alone, I got it" IDK what he does now but he is in his room and I hear nothing out of it but I think he didn't went to sleep yet cause he normaly goes to bed like 11pm or something

    I hope he didn't got it wrong again, cause my brother often missunderstands things. This is for example a reason why he often is not longer than like 2 months together with a girlfriend cause he often gets them so wrong that he can't handle it and thinks they should break up (since his last GF and he broke up maybe 10 months ago he told me he don't want a new girlfriend anymore and would preffer stay single forever). I might need to talk to him tomorrow again
     
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  16. jisungstoes

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    Hm. It seems like he might just be more attached to you than you are to him. Spend time with him, but make sure there are boundaries.
     
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  17. Eziio

    Eziio Married to @just-a-melon
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    He needs to realise that you have your own life and you aren't obligated to give up your alone time for him
    Acting spoilt won't change that truth
     
  18. SomeoneLovesEXO

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    @jisungstoes @Eziio

    I got really sick the last 4 days and today I slowly feel better, I said to my brother he should leave me alone, but he ignored it on monday afternoon. As he noticed I was pale in the face, could barly talk and was very tired he left me alone. I was almost so sick on thuesday that I could barly go to the doctor again but the good thing is the doctor called a taxi for me do go back home because IDK I normaly use public transportations. I just slept for like 15 hours after I was back home and it was like 9am as I woke up again and went to the kitchen to get a glas of water. My brother who had no idea what I was doing the day before and thought I was just trying to get better inside my room while he was not at home all day long before, looked at me while he was eating breakfast and first cared like zero "hey you feel better now?" I said nothing cause I felt not good, so my brother just said "Ok good" and stood up after finishing eating, but as I turned my face to him after I got water and almost colabs he recognized I was not OK and he took his while free day just for me. He made me a hot vegetable soup, made me tea, helpt me whenever I needet it and he sat in the taxi with me to the doctor this morning aswell as on thursday as I still felt horribly sick.

    This morning as I, a grown up 26 years old dude, went to the kitchen to eat my first meal after almost 2 days of not eating anything, he randomly begun to talk to me in a way, he never talked to me before. He blamed himself that I was feeling so very sick and said even if he notices I am done from working, he never gives me space to breath and walks around me like a cat or dog and is allways by my side like a shadow, he said he is sorry for what he did in the last years, cause he realised the older he gets (he is 21 years old!) the more he forgets where he needs to stop himself from annoying the people he loves.

    He made me a bowl of yoghurt with banana and some muesli inside and a hot tea and than left the apartment. He said he would like to watch a show together with me like we often do, but he knows I would just eighter sit annoyed/bored next to him or if I would still feel very sick, he would not like to bother me.

    Since he came back home an hour ago he did not said anything to me, even tho he normaly would had jumped into my face saying "hey I'm back home" and he had maybe tried to hug/cuddle me to death, but no I just heard the front door opening and he made some noises in the kitchen but since that he is in his room and as it sounds like he is either sleeping or doing some stuff where you can't hear much noises from, cause its very silent right now.

    I don't know but I hope he is on a "I need to change to not hurt anyone anymore"-tripp cause at the end he might just only hurts himself but IDK since its just like this day and only the first time ever where I guess he did this ... anyway, its weird to write all of this but IDK I feel just so weird when I would just sit in my room and think of it because else I would go crazy and its allready feeling weird to me

    I know I'm a weird person, since the realationship to my brother is weird and I'm in total a weird person... iDK if anyone of you ever saw an older message of me but as it looks like people randomly either like me too much like my brother does or some of my coworkers (I like my coworkers, they are sometimes really weird and funny creakheads) or they hate me and use my confused self till I know I was fooled (my first ever girlfriend didn't loved me, she used me just cause "look this hit guy speaks a language nobody of us can speak and he is mine you noobs" in front of her friends, just to get to see her friends becoming jealous (This was the time I later on realised as I found out she had tricked me to go on dates with her even tho she never loved me, that I am not sexually atrackted to woman in any way) and as I some years later got my first boyfriend he fooled me to. I was so pissed tho as I broke up to him (He just used me for "no mather who, I just need to fuck something" and cause he might not knew how to find a girl that easy, he used me and fooled me by acting up like if he was the perfect boyfriend-material and acted like "yeah I'm gay too" but nope, he lied to me just cause he could not find a girl that easy. After some months he told me he actually hated me cause "you are so annoying and your love for the color pink and the fact that you ar enot just Asian but also like Asian stuff and you act so childish, god I hate you so much" etc. we just begun to fight each time we saw and than broke up. I got so mad as I saw him like 2 years later having a girlfriend and he just lied to her saying "he is someone I know from school" as she asked how we both would know eachother. I don't wanted to ruin her realationship to him cause she can't do anyting about what was between him and me, so I don't said anything, even tho I got really mad and wished I could've said to her "Your boyfriend lost his virginity to me" ... its over 3 years now since I was in a realationship and I guess since I don''t really trust people anymore, I was the one who let it happen that someone like my brother was almost 24/7 at my side and I guess this just got to the point now where I felt that it was too much now... I called 2 of my closest friends and asked them about their opinion. My female friend I called said she knew something like this was going on since forever, cause she somehow has a "sense" for stuff like this, but the male friend I called said "IDK this makes my brain explode, I never knew its this weird..." oh well

    I'm sorry for all those long messages I wrote, but sometimes I guess people just need to write/talk about their problems no mather how long ...
     
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  19. jisungstoes

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    I hope things turn around for you. If you ever need someone to talk to im here for you <3
     
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  20. Eziio

    Eziio Married to @just-a-melon
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    It's good that your brother came to self realisation,sure he might be hearing that he's clingy from all other sorts of people but nothing can make you change as much as when you yourself realise your actions aren't ok

    You've been through some very horrible things but you need to learn from them and move on and just try your hardest to not let it impact your life. You know what signs to look out for when someone doesn't want to genuinely be with you etc etc. Let people prove things to you through their actions rather than words but don't let yourself become someone who puts a weight onto your partner just because you've been hurt before - you'll make them feel blamed and turn someone who does genuinely love you...away

    It's good that you have some close friends you can confide with and since they know about it more,I hope they can thoroughly support you and ofc there's akp too when you need it ^^
     
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