I wrote a song in Korean and I would love for you to listen needs edit help

Discussion in 'The Studio' started by hideko, Mar 10, 2016.

  1. hideko

    hideko Newbie

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    Hello Everyone,
    (I posted this on onehallyu and was told to repost to get more feedback on the language. This is literally the same post! I do have edits from onehallyu users as well (if they are the same mistakes, I will know to work extra hard on those parts)


    I made this account because I needed some Korean language feedback. I am learning Korean and I am also a songwriter. I think learning a language is really good through music. I am a fan of Kpop music, so I decided to write a song in Korean. While this song isn't so poppy (I wrote a "love song") I would love for you to listen and let me know where I am just wrong in the language. Example: grammar wise, phrasing wise, etc.


    song: https://soundcloud.com/kiko-dudley/help-me-not-love

    The track is unedited and unmixed, it's just for learning purposes.

    if you could write my mistakes down below that would be awesome.

    Thank you so much.


    Here are the lyrics in English:
    So you know what I am trying to say in Korean - If you know a better way of saying a line I'd love to hear it! I was told that some of my translations were too literal.
    What do I do? I love you
    No, I can not do that
    it is better that we stay friends
    my eyes still search for you
    why is it you?
    So i’ll say goodbye, before it’s too much
    and I can’t give up on my heart
    lock my feelings inside, along with my pride
    you decide where to put the key
    my heart hurts, i’m falling so deep
    I can not get closer to you
    I need to leave you now
    help me not love you
    What do I do? I dream of you
    Please get out of my head
    it’s too hard, why is it you?
    So i’ll say goodbye, before it’s too much
    and i can’t give up on my heart
    lock my feelings inside, along with my pride
    you decide where to put the key
    my heart hurts, i’m falling so deep
    I cannot get closer to you
    I need to leave you now
    help me not love you
    slowly, they’re unfolding
    like rain from the sky
    my feelings cannot be controlled
    whenever you’re around
    why do I love you?
    So i’ll say goodbye, before it’s too much
    and I can’t give up on my heart
    lock my feelings inside, along with my pride
    you decide where to put the key
    my heart hurts, i’m falling so deep
    I can not get closer to you
    I need to leave you now
    help me not love you

    Korean lyrics:
    어떻게, 너를 사랑해
    안돼, 이러면 안돼 거
    우리가 친구를 유지하는 것이 낫다
    내 눈은 여전히 검색
    왜 너를?
    So I’ll say 안녕,
    너무 많이있어 전,
    and I can’t 내 마음에 포기.
    내부 내 감정을 잠,
    내 자존심과 함께,
    당신은 키를 넣어 위치를 결정.
    내 마음이 아파요,
    i’m falling so deep,
    난 너를 가까이 할 수 없습니다.
    나는 지금 너를 떠날 필요,
    내가 너를 사랑하지 도움
    어떻게, 나는너를의 꿈
    제발 내 머리 나가
    너무 힘들어
    왜 너를?
    So I’ll say 안녕,
    너무 많이있어 전,
    and I can’t 내 마음에 포기.
    내부 내 감정을 잠,
    내 자존심과 함께,
    당신은 키를 넣어 위치를 결정.
    내 마음이 아파요,
    i’m falling so deep,
    난 너를 가까이 할 수 없습니다.
    나는 지금 너를 떠날 필요,
    내가 너를 사랑하지 도움
    slowly, they’re unfolding
    하늘에서 비처럼
    내 감정을 제어 할 수 없다
    whenever you’re around
    왜 내가 당신을 (너를)
    사랑합니까?
    So I’ll say 안녕,
    너무 많이있어 전,
    and I can’t 내 마음에 포기.
    내부 내 감정을 잠,
    내 자존심과 함께,
    당신은 키를 넣어 위치를 결정.
    내 마음이 아파요,
    i’m falling so deep,
    난 너를 가까이 할 수 없습니다.
    나는 지금 너를 떠날 필요,
    내가 너를 사랑하지 도움
     
    #1 hideko, Mar 10, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2016
    nanuk, shinsetsu and honordaesung like this.
  2. BTS_FanboyGuy

    BTS_FanboyGuy Rookie

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    I wish I knew the song.
     
    h4nisaurus likes this.
  3. APINKRUUULLEEESS

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    What do I do? I love you
    어떡해 내가 너를 사랑해
    No, I can not do that
    아냐 그럴 수 없어
    it is better that we stay friends
    우리는 친구로 남아야 해
    my eyes still search for you
    내 눈은 아직도 너를 찾아
    why is it you?
    왜 너여야 하니
    So i’ll say goodbye, before it’s too much
    더 늦어지기 전에 내가 이별을 말할게
    and I can’t give up on my heart
    내 마음도 정리 할 수 있게
    lock my feelings inside, along with my pride
    내 안에 너의 모든 걸 잠궜어
    you decide where to put the key
    이제 열쇠를 들고 멀리 가
    my heart hurts, i’m falling so deep
    내 맘이 아파 너무 깊어져
    I can not get closer to you
    너에게 다가갈 수 없어서
    I need to leave you now
    지금 너의 곁을 떠나
    help me not love you
    사랑하지 않게 도와줘
    What do I do? I dream of you
    어떡해. 니가 꿈에 나와
    Please get out of my head
    내 머릿속에서 나가
    it’s too hard, why is it you?
    너무 힘들어. 왜 하필 너야
    So i’ll say goodbye, before it’s too much
    더 늦어지기 전에 내가 이별을 말할게
    and i can’t give up on my heart
    내 마음도 정리할 수 있게
    lock my feelings inside, along with my pride
    내 안에 너의 모든걸 잠궜어
    you decide where to put the key
    이제 열쇠를 들고 멀리가
    my heart hurts, i’m falling so deep
    내 맘이 아파 너무 깊어져
    I cannot get closer to you
    너에게 다가갈 수 없어서
    I need to leave you now
    지금 너의 곁을 떠나
    help me not love you
    사랑하지 않게 도와줘
    slowly, they’re unfolding
    하늘에서 내리는 비처럼
    like rain from the sky
    천천히 녹아 내려가
    my feelings cannot be controlled
    난 자신이 없어 (this I think it's better? I don't know)
    whenever you’re around
    니가 옆에 있을때마다
    why do I love you?
    내가 왜 널 사랑하지?
    So i’ll say goodbye, before it’s too much
    and I can’t give up on my heart
    lock my feelings inside, along with my pride
    you decide where to put the key
    my heart hurts, i’m falling so deep
    I can not get closer to you
    I need to leave you now
    help me not love you


    hope this helped... I've studied Korean for quite some time but not sure if you like it.
     
  4. Jonghyun_Jukebox

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    There are probably lot of solutions to find, cause Korean is a very flexible language according to the way you wanna talk...
    Actually Apinkrules' version is correct c: So I just wanna give alternative solution so that you can choose parts.

    What do I do? I love you
    어떡해 내가 너를 사랑해
    No, I can not do that
    안돼 그럴 순 없어
    it is better that we stay friends
    우리는 친구로 남아야 해
    my eyes still search for you
    내 눈은 아직도 너를 찾아
    why is it you?
    왜 하필 너인지
    So i’ll say goodbye, before it’s too much
    너무 늦기전에, 내가 널 떠날게
    and I can’t give up on my heart
    내 마음을 모두 포기하고
    lock my feelings inside, along with my pride
    내 감정, 내 자존심을 깊은 곳에 가둬
    you decide where to put the key
    그 열쇠는 너만이 가지고 있는데
    my heart hurts, i’m falling so deep
    내 가슴은 끝없이 아파와
    I can not get closer to you
    너에게 다가갈 순 없어
    I need to leave you now
    지금 네 곁을 떠나야만 해
    help me not love you
    널 사랑하지 않게 도와줘
    What do I do? I dream of you
    어떡해. 니가 꿈에 나와
    Please get out of my head
    내 머릿속에서 제발 나가줘
    it’s too hard, why is it you?
    너무 힘들어. 왜 하필 너인지
    So i’ll say goodbye, before it’s too much
    더 늦어지기 전에, 내가 이별을 말할게
    and I can’t give up on my heart
    내 마음을 모두 포기하고
    lock my feelings inside, along with my pride
    내 감정, 내 자존심을 깊은 곳에 가둬
    you decide where to put the key
    그 열쇠는 너만이 가지고 있는데
    my heart hurts, i’m falling so deep
    내 가슴은 끝없이 아파와
    I can not get closer to you
    너에게 다가갈 순 없어
    I need to leave you now
    지금 네 곁을 떠나야만 해
    help me not love you
    널 사랑하지 않게 도와줘
    slowly, they’re unfolding
    조금씩, 다시 깨어나고 있어
    like rain from the sky
    하늘에서 내리는 비처럼
    my feelings cannot be controlled
    내 마음대로 되질 않아
    whenever you’re around
    니가 옆에만 있으면
    why do I love you?
    왜 널 사랑하는 걸까 ?
     
    hideko likes this.
  5. hideko

    hideko Newbie

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    Thank you you two!
     
  6. shinsetsu

    shinsetsu Trainee

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    I'm sorry that I can't help but I do want to let you know that this song has become my new favorite! I hope you do well as a song writer! And that you do well learning Korean! Fighting!~
    [​IMG]
     
    NANATHEGHOUL likes this.

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