I keep getting nightmares about my time when I played soccer

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by kattyerine, Oct 12, 2019 at 11:27 AM.

  1. kattyerine

    kattyerine Newbie

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    This post is going to be a mess sorry, I just need to get something off my chest.

    Last year I played soccer, and I hated every second of it. I was an outcast of the team, I just didn't fit in, and while I did socialise with one girl who was in my classes at school, I always felt like she kept my distance from me, as well as another girl, but any chance she got she tried to run away to make a desperate chance to fit in with the soccer team.

    I was the weak link in the team, the person who never knew what they were doing, the one looked down upon.
    I used to be the one getting yelled and screamed out on the field for not trying hard enough, but I was puffing and I seriously was trying my best. I remember once a girl on my soccer team, I'll call her Bitchface cuz never have a seen a face so punchable.

    Bitchface came running over to me with the ball, assuming she'd pass it to me, so I took the ball, but she was never going to pass to me. She went absolutely psycho, screaming, while the rest of the team backed her up, the team we were versing had to get her to calm down.

    After that I just huddled in the corner, trying so bad not to cry. I remember having to hold back my tears when my mum picked me up.

    There was also a time when bitchface had to get paired with me to play a weird soccer team and we had to link arms, she looked down on me in such disgust and everyone sympathised with her, saying "I'm sorry Bitchface I'll pair with you next time.", almost like I was disgusting to have to link arms with.

    I know this may not seem much, but I had countless panic attacks because of soccer, and it's still keep haunting me. I keep getting nightmares about it and I have no idea what to do.
     
  2. dong_ii

    dong_ii Married to @mochichu
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    that's sorry to hear

    i loved my time as a soccer enthusiast

    maybe try playing with boys the next time, they might rage a bit but they value teamwork
     
  3. lidora

    lidora Trainee

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    I'm sorry you had to live trough this!

    In your place I would ask for professional help as your experience is clearly traumatic. It did wonders for me.

    But if you are unwilling to visit some strangers or are uncomfortable with the idea you could override the trauma? Like speaking with friends you trust about the issue and then you all could play soccer together with the intent of you having fun. Then I supposse the good memories could overlap the bad memories?
     
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