First of all, I want to make it clear that I'm not supporting those thoughts. But so, I always do have these kind of thoughts. My life is very tough now, and it seems like hard to change. I always assume it would be better to give up and kill myself, cause that's the only way i will be free. I hate my family, and it was a punishment for me having this aunties and uncles. I wish I was a female, so I wouldn't be blamed for being gay. It's not something to feel ashamed but its hard to live as a gay person. I don't believe people. I wanted to be loved, but I don't want to give myself into a relationship. People betray, replace you and I'm not willing this. Even if I was a female, I think I would be depressive. Because I genuinely think lifes not worthy. I hate the sun, I hate smile. I hate friends that I don't have. I hate my life, I wish I could be in another country, being another person. I wanted to free myself but I'm still a student.