A Quality Friend

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by nguyengiangv, Apr 5, 2016.

  1. nguyengiangv

    nguyengiangv Rookie

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    What do you look for in a good/close friend?

    Something that's important to me these days is when the other person treats me as an equal, which is especially evident when they take the initiative to ask me to spend time with them. I feel that when a person makes the effort to ask me to hang out, it indicates that they genuinely see value in me and my company.

    I'm wondering because I'm currently feeling unhappy with some of my friends who aren't really showing me that they care about our relationship. It's as if my efforts are one-sided and that my friendship is just another loose branch they could snap off anytime they wanted. I stick with them regardless because they are encouraging to me when I reach out to them for support. It's just the genuine effort is never really there...

    I also get it that people have different standards from me. I don't expect two people in a relationship to ever put in equal effort. "Treating someone equally" is different. To me, an equal friendship is when two people are doing their best to nurture a relationship, even if one person seems to be doing more work than the other. They don't have to do as much as me...but initiation or an action showing signs of interest are things I would greatly appreciate.
     
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  2. Presh

    Presh Newbie

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    @aquamaraqua tbh

    I used to think there was so much I needed from a friendship because in general I am a needy person.. But I've been through a lot and spare three amazing friends, aqua being one, I've learnt what actually was the most important thing for me for a friendship.

    We don't always see eye to eye and we aren't always there when we need each other most, but she has faith in me. She won't jump the gun on what she hears from others or what she thinks I may have said or did, she will get my side of the story first.. I always have the benefit of the doubt with her and I cannot explain in enough words how that is simply the most important thing a friend can give you.

    Due to things said about me, I lost friends and a connection to a network of people I worked years to build. All my close friends know nothing is more important to me than that and that is what I was cut off from. Its taking a long time to rebuild that for me as my name is damaged.

    Of all my friends, two of them were there to help me make the decision and the third, Aqua, came to me and asked me why. My story was as important to her.

    There seems to be three other people who I would have given more to by now, but I am a lot more gunshy and don't trust easily these days. Trusted information has been shared beyond where it was initially and its honestly just not something I am willing to risk again.
     
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  3. aquamaraqua

    aquamaraqua Public Figure

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    T-T Oi why you do this...

    But seriously thank you so much for this. If I know anything about being needy it's that it's a mirror reflection of me too.

    You've probably given me the best backbone anyone can give, and I appreciate that a lot. You inspire me to grow and push me to fight for what I believe in. Love you for that.

    I have so much faith and trust in you, always remember that. <3
     
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  4. soneaddict7

    soneaddict7 Public Figure

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    @Presh @aquamaraqua Wow that some amazing friendship you two seem to have. <3

    @nguyengiangv I kind of get you. I am currently in a situation where I feel my friends are drifting away from me. You seem to be making efforts but I am not making any right now. I feel like not all friendships are meant to last forever just like not all relationships are.

    On that note, I think a good friend is someone who cares and is bothered. Like someone who is there for you and expects the same from you. Some people I call as my friends are just that in namesake. A friend is supposed to know everything about you and would want to hang out with you. Mostly there needs to be respect and dependency- like someone you can call in need of crisis. Definition of friendship varies from person to person.
     
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  5. rosslyn

    rosslyn Public Figure

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    I honestly don't look for a lot when it comes to friends, but I do prefer having extrovert friends since i'm a rather introvert, I also like sincere persons
    I don't have a lot of friends here but @alexelia became a really important part here, we've been friends since almost 2 years ago when I needed someone to hear me out the most, true only know her from here, but she's a really good friend that has a place in my heart now :3
     
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  6. Elf_lover

    Elf_lover Leader

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    I look for loyalty, trust, understanding and someone who will always be there for me. I'm lucky to have
    a friend who is like that. She is lovely. I am a good judge of character and don't like users. Aren't good
    friends like diamonds - precious and rare?
     
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  7. 16_55

    16_55 Newbie

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    In my life i have been through a lot of friendships that i thought would last but were fake or not sincere. It hurts more if a long time friend just stops talking to you. So i have become quite distant.
    In a good friend i look for honesty, trust and loyalty and someone who can make me smile and enjoy stupid moments, or be a little weird and just laugh at nothing until our stomachs hurt. I'm a very loyal person myself. If i see that i can trust the person and that they actually care and worry about me, i will be the persons friend no matter what, seriously.
    I was laughed at once for being friends with an outcast, a person who's not as wealthy and secure as the rest of the people in my class. I didn't see what was wrong with it. Like i don't care how they look, what is their sexuality, financial status, race or anything like that i still will be their friend. If they can be there for me, i will do the same for them.

    I have a best friend. A complete opposite of me. We do tend to argue but we have a close bond. She is always a scaredy cat and anxious, so i try to help her to be brave and bold. (but not to do anything serious or bad, you know) + I'm always interested in facts and science, art and all that stuff and she just likes to have fun and always makes me smile.
     
  8. LoveChickenNuget

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    there r no "friends" in this world, only people who r gunna buy me things and drive me places in exchange for my time & company
    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
     
  9. kodoku

    kodoku Star

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    I think the word 'friend' has lost its meaning. I always thought that a friend is a person you have a bond with, someone you know and trust and someone who will always help you out, but apparently it's just a person you hang out with or talk to in the bus to kill time and someone who will turn against you as soon as you stop being useful or cool enough. I can't consider people like that friends so I think I never had friends. I'd rather be alone than be with fake people who just wanna use you and then make fun of you. (Makes me think of 4Minute's Hate...If I'm lonely when I'm with you, I'd rather be lonely alone hehe). I really wanna meet an honest person that I can trust, someone who will see who I really am and fully accept that person but I guess I'm still looking
     
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  10. Lemondolly

    Lemondolly Rookie

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    never heard anyone use friend in the context you speak of but whatevs
    there are aquaintances which is i think is what youre referring to
     
  11. evanidk

    evanidk Trainee

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    to me a friend is someone I can sit next to and not speak to and everything seems perfectly fine

    I know I'm not close to someone if I feel the need to keep talking
     
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  12. nguyengiangv

    nguyengiangv Rookie

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    wtf i didn't get any notifications for my own thread. i thought this whole time i was ignored what the oh my god. i am only just learning of this omg.
     
  13. nguyengiangv

    nguyengiangv Rookie

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    You even tagged me but I never got a notification omg what is going on. I'm sorry for such a late response TTTT

    I think I share the same values in terms of friendship! I have two friends that I expect a lot from tbh, but what's great is that they expect a lot out of me. Sometimes it seems kind of backward for a friend to be demanding, but what you said made me think of all the times I felt "special" because my best depended on me, and me specifically, for certain situations.
     
  14. nguyengiangv

    nguyengiangv Rookie

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    I feel, silence can be the most comfortable thing ever when it's with the right person.
     
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  15. nguyengiangv

    nguyengiangv Rookie

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    Sorry for late response out of no where. I seriously had no idea my thread got replies xD.
    But I agree! I'm also an introvert, and having an extrovert really helps balance my life out.
     
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  16. nguyengiangv

    nguyengiangv Rookie

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    I love "opposites attract" story. I'm a strong believer in being friends with people who are really different from us.

    And also, I can relate. I have a friend of 9 years, but we have drifted apart over time as we started pursuing different interests and getting to know other friends... It's kind of painful because we were literally sisters. We fought, we reconciled, we grew up... and now...we never talk anymore. Even if she's in town she doesn't tell me, but instead goes out eating with everyone else. It especially hurts because I feel like I've tried many times to express my concerns about our friendship, but she always shrugs it off like "This is how I've always been."

    And it's this friendship that sort have put me in a very insecure attitude about making new friends, which lead to me making this thread. :/ Sucks.
     
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  17. nguyengiangv

    nguyengiangv Rookie

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    I think I can definitely connect with you in some of these situations. Not to the point where I hate everyone and avoid making friends, but enough where I sometimes get outcasted from a group because I'm so scared of being rejected or used. Like, does this person really like me, or are they just taking advantage of me? If they care, why won't they initiate a hang out, or at least, ask me how my day was after I just listened to them tell me everything that happened to them that weekend...?

    Maybe I have too high expectations. But like you, I'm also waiting for that one person to come along.
     
  18. nguyengiangv

    nguyengiangv Rookie

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    I also have 2-3 really close friends that have been with me since freshman year of high school, and to this day, I compare all of my new friendships to my old best friends. It's kind of bad because it keeps me close-minded to other people that come from different backgrounds. But at the same time, it raises my standard for what is enough to make me trust them and rely on them. I'm personally really sensitive...o0ut of experience, I've realized that any sign of gossip, backstabbing, or fake intentions can really break me down. So I think I can relate in the sense that it's difficult for me to open up to more people. I do have other friends...but none have gotten over the invisible barrier yet.
     
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  19. sicaranghae

    sicaranghae Rookie

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    I just want to say this for the sake of a different perspective. Just because some of your friends aren't always around, doesn't mean they don't care about you. I'm a very reserved person and most of the time I'd just rather be alone, and that frustrates a lot of my friends but there's nothing I can do. I have a lot of difficulty putting my feelings into words, just last month a friend of mine told me I never once said I loved him, but it's not that I don't love him, it's just that I have a hard time expressing that. I'm the type of person that could be your friend and go 10 years without talking to you, but when I do I'll still treat you like we've spoken the day before, it's just that it's difficult for me to satisfy someone emotionally, so to speak.

    Because of my own experience, I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who feel the same way, so please don't feel like your friends don't appreciate you if they take a long time to answer your texts or if they don't want to hang out everytime, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't value as a friend or that they don't value your company, maybe that's just the way they are. You said they are supportive when you reach out to them, so I figured that might be the case. So please don't feel like they're intentionally trying to hurt you in any way, because honestly for introverted people it also hurts that we can't be as expansive as we'd like to be.

    However, there's this quote I like that goes "When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't", and if you feel hurt, you must tell them. It might not have been their intention, but if you feel hurt, you need to tell them because that's what friends are supposed to do, they're supposed to be truthful. Although I myself don't like to be confronted and have to come to terms with my mistakes, like when that friend I mentioned earlier did, I feel like it's necessary to apologize and try to make an effort, even if it's hard to do so.

    Long story short, please don't feel like your friends don't appreciate you or are actively trying to hurt you, but let them know how you feel. It's honestly the best for everyone in that situation.
     
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  20. propanda

    propanda Very Important Panda

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    I feel you. It's quite hard to find quality friends, I have had quite some of those that you describe as. Worst thing is that I genuinely believed they were my friends and apparently that friendship never meant anything to them sigh.

    At the moment friend to me is someone you like spending time with. It doesn't need to be someone who is there for you nor who you discuss personal matters with, enjoying someone's company is enough.
     
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