A cringy SHINee crackfic I wrote 6 years ago

Discussion in 'The Studio' started by fantasygoose, Jun 28, 2020.

  1. fantasygoose

    fantasygoose Trendsetter

    Mar 5, 2016
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    A fanfic, I wrote on Asianfanfics called "The Rainbow Chicken", and it is in a collection of crackfics.
    And my username on Asianfanfics is ELFantasyhand. (just like my old AKP username)

    And yup, there is a reference to an other SHINee fanfic, I wrote, but I deleted that fanfic.

    It was written in 2014.

    The Rainbow Chicken

    The SHINee members are at their dorm talking about... I have no clue what they are talking about.

    "And then I was like "Oh yes, I did."" Key says.

    "I remember when you said that to Jo Kwon one day. Best day ever." Jonghyun says.

    "You mean it? It was the best day ever? You love you so much, Jongie Dongie." Key says.

    "Do you remember when you said the same thing to Heechul one day, my little bananamilk lovie dove?" Minho says to Taemin.

    "Yes, I remember that. Minnie ho." Taemin says.

    "Eww... you are just disgusting. You make me vomit a llama." Onew says to the two couple with an not-so-impressed face.


    "You are just like this, because you don't have a lover." Key says to him.

    "No, it's not. And I don't want a lover. Being in love is just gross and stupid." Onew says.

    "You have just not experienced it. And you should know that vomiting a cat is more gross and stupid. Listen my friend, love is something that we all need, it is like listening to opera songs, while slapping a drunk lion." Key says.

    "That doesn't even make sense." Onew says.

    "To me it does." Jonghyun says. "My Keykey always says romantic, poetic things. Just look at this poem Key has written for me."

    Jonghyun gives Onew the poem.

    Onew reads out loud.

    "My Jongie Dongie, I love you so much as I like horses.

    I sometimes wish I was your brain, so that you could think of me 24/7, instead of sometimes.

    I love you, my dinosaur.

    The end of poem and nothing rimed."

    "I just love this poem and I really wish Key was my brain." Jonghyun says.

    Onew just watches them with a What-the-@%#& face.

    "This poem is just as bad as Elfie's fanfic about Heechul, Amber and Heebum." Onew thinks.

    Then Elfie suddenly appears and slaps Onew on his cheek.

    "What did you say about my story?" Elfie yells angry and then realized that she just slapped a guy, she likes.

    "Oh, I didn't mean to slap you. I'm so sorry." She says and bows. And then she looks at the hand again.

    "I slapped him, so it means that I touched him. I will never wash this hand ever again." She says to herself and randomly disappears again.

    "That girl seems cute." Taemin says.

    "Don't fall in love with her. You have me." Minho yells to Taemin.

    "Don't worry, when we break up one day. I will date this girl." Taemin says.

    "I hope that we will never break up with each others." Minho says.

    "I hope that we will break up soon." Taemin says.


    "Yes, I want to date this girl." Taemin says.

    "That girl is a fanfic writer and is maybe going to write a lot of nasty fanfics about you." Minho says.

    "She also writes nasty fanfics?" Taemin asks shocked.

    "Yes, she once wrote a fanfic about Key vomitting in Amber's mouth." Minho says.

    Taemin starts feeling disgusted.

    "I don't want to be in a fanfiction where I vomit in a hot girl's mouth." Taemin says.

    "Then don't break up with me, darling." Minho says.

    "I will never break up with you, Minnie Hoie." Taemin says.

    "I would maybe want to throw up in your mouth, sweetie." Minho says.

    Then Elfie randomly appears again and starts advertising.

    "Hello there if you are curious about this thing about Amber and Key vomitting in each others mouth, then I can say that it is from a fanfic I wrote which is called The Shi..."

    Elfie wants to say more, until Onew kicks her butt and she suddenly lands in Sweden.

    While she is in Sweden, she rubs her butt and says to herself, while fangirling: "He kicked my butt, I never want to wash my butt ever again."

    Suddenly some random swag yolo dude tells them to go to Lee Sooman's office, because he wants to talk to them.

    Then they go to his office.

    Lee Sooman is listening to some random bollywood music, while reading Twilight.

    "What do you want to talk with us about?" Onew asks.

    Sooman throws his book out of his window and answers: "Well... I thought it was be a good idea to have a new member in your group."

    "Okay, who is he? Is he someone I catfought with?" Key asks

    "I don't know, but his name is Sack ELFantasyhand, I think." Sooman answers.

    All of the members have never heard that name before but the last name sounded familiar.

    "HIS NAME IS ZAC EFRON!" Elfie yells.

    "Oh yes, that was his name." Sooman says.

    All of the members react like:

    "Are you serious? We can't have this guy in our group. He will think we are all gay." Taemin says.

    "We are, Taemin." Minho says.

    "Oh, I forgot. I just was thinking about this Elfie girl." Taemin says.

    "ERASE THAT GIRL FROM YOUR MIND!" Minho yells angry at him.

    "O... O... Okay then." Taemin says, while sweating nervously a lot.

    "Lee Sooman, this idea sounds stupid. Zac Efron isn't even Korean." Onew says to him.

    "No, but he is hot and has a manly six pack." Sooman says, while getting a nosebleed.

    "If that's what you think, we are leaving this building and going to work at a farm." Onew says.

    "Just leave, I'm going to make Zac Efron join EXO instead and make EXO-E (English) and put Kris, Zac Efron, Edward Cullen, Harry Potter, Santa Claus and Itachi from Naruto in it." Sooman says and starts reading 50 Shades of Gray.

    "Itachi doesn't exist." Onew says.

    Suddenly Itachi comes out of nowhere.

    "Yes, I do exist. You just never see me in real life." Itachi says and gives Onew a chicken. "Fall for that chicken."

    "No, I won't." Onew says.

    "Look at that chicken, that chicken is hot." Itachi says.

    "Nope, it's not hot." Onew says and touches the chicken.

    Then Itachi uses Unicorn Sparkle magic.

    And then Onew suddenly farts a rainbow and falls for the chicken.

    "That chicken is so goodlooking, that I want to eat it up." Onew says.

    "Do you want to join EXO-E, Itachi?" Sooman asks him.

    "No, I want to join EXO-J (Japanese) instead." Itachi answers.

    "Okay then." Sooman says and then suddenly reads a yaoi manga.

    "Go on a date with that chicken." Itachi says.

    "Of course Itachi." Onew says.

    The day after Onew goes on a date on a park with chicken.

    "Chicken? Can I please call you something?" Onew asks.

    "Yes, why not?" The chicken says.

    "You can talk?" Onew asks shocked.

    "Yes of course, because you farted a rainbow." The chicken answers.

    "Does farting a rainbow make chicken talk? I didn't know that." Onew says.

    "Of course you didn't. Now give me a good name." The chicken says impatient.

    "Okay then, I will call you Fartbutt." Onew says.

    "That name..." Chicken starts crying and then says: "That name is so beautiful."

    "As beautiful as you, dear." Onew says. and kisses the chicken's beak.

    Then the chicken suddenly transformed into Elfie.


    Onew just stands shocked like a starfish.

    "I kissed you??? How is this possible?" Onew asks.

    "Well... I called Itachi and asked him a favor, while I was in Sweden." Elfie answers.

    "But why did I even kiss and date a chicken?" Onew says.

    "Because you deeply wanted a lover." Elfie says.

    "Maybe you're right and I still need someone, who loves me not for the fame, money and stuff, and only for the person I really am." Onew says.

    "I can be your girlfriend." Elfie says.

    "No, you can't. The readers will kill you." Onew says.

    "Oh yeah, of course. But if you date a guy or if you date a real chicken, then they will not be mad." Elfie says and then gives him a chicken.

    "Thank you, Elfie. Now I'm not alone any longer." he says.

    8 minutes later Onew marries the real chicken and invites all the people he knows, including Elfie, the SHINee members, Sooman who is just here for cake, Zac Efron and Paul. [A/N: I don't know who Paul is and what he is doing here.]

    Then at the wedding when Onew and chicken kiss each others lips, the chicken transforms into Itachi from Naruto.

    "Another plotwist?" Paul yells.

    "I was so in love with you that I wanted Elfie to transform me into a chicken with her storywriting power." Itachi says.

    "WHAT THE HECK?" Onew yells.

    THE END.
    stanwekimeki likes this.
  2. stanwekimeki

    stanwekimeki Super Rookie

    Apr 29, 2020
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    your local kpop stan
    props to your hard work
    fantasygoose likes this.
  3. Hopkinz

    Hopkinz Worldwide Star

    Mar 22, 2016
    Likes Received:
    What are you talking about "fanfic" This definitely happened
    fantasygoose likes this.
  4. SunyoungIsCute

    SunyoungIsCute Super Rookie

    Jul 2, 2019
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    The best story I have ever read, 10/10.
    fantasygoose likes this.

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